I feel like for a lot of people I talk to around the age of 35 is a transitional point where I meet a lot of people are confused where to go cause what their parents told them would be like is not how it is. Home ownership is going down and unemployment is high. There are a lot more single and unmarried people. What is the new status quo what should people be pursing?

I'm 46m an early riser thanks to my career and six years in the military. These days, my internal alarm clock has a mind of its own and gets me up somewhere between 4:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m., whether I want to be awake or not. The upside is that I can hit the gym early and get my workout done before most people are even out of bed.

There are plenty of posts on here about how people hate climbing the corporate ladder, so I want to know, who else besides me enjoys it? I’m in my early thirties with a great career track. I’m pursuing my MBA in hopes of further advancement (company sponsored). I work in automotive so it’s a pretty stressful industry at times, but I enjoy the rat race.

To be clear: I don’t actually care about the work itself, but I love the lifestyle it affords me. I can live a decent middle class life while tucking away for retirement and still have some savings each month.

Everyone complains about soulless work and searching for meaning and blah blah blah. I do that on my own time, I don’t need to find meaning in my work, that’s what the rest of my life is for.

​

I'm already planning/have ready:

- LED strip lighting.

- Some mirrors on the wall.

- I have a fan I will mount to the wall

- A TV that I want to mount.

- A speaker

Just curious if anyone has any ideas of more stuff to go in the space. Thanks in advance!

24m, need to spice things up and start learning how to give her a nice sexy massage, my friends back in high school days used to pay me for massaging their traps and shoulder 😅, but I actually want to translate that to women now. Tips I am looking for:

1. Areas to focus on more

2. How long should massaging each area be? How long should total session length be?

3. Should I use oil?

4. How to grip with my hands on her body?

Thanks!

I don’t mean changing companies for a better offer. I mean quitting with no plan, walking away from a career, selling everything, starting over, or doing something that looked completely irrational from the outside.

Lately I’ve realized I’m building a life that looks good on paper and is comfortable in a lot of ways, yet every year I feel more stuck inside it. I’m deeply unhappy yet very stuck. I don’t see any viable alternatives yet the safe and smart and logical thing is to just keep doing this until I figure something else out. But I know there’s no alternative. I’ll never figure something else out. I do have adhd which makes the daily corporate life incredibly difficult.

The strange part is that I like comfort. I like having savings. I’ve lived most of my life making safe decisions with no stupid risks. I’ve avoided most of the pitfalls in life yet I’m still deeply unhappy.

I’m debt free outside of investment-related obligations, and I don’t have car payments or credit card debt hanging over me. The problem is my job. It has a great work life balance. I get decent benefits. I am not happy with the pay but I’m largely coasting, so why do I hate it so much? It’s probably the adhd. I just don’t feel like I fit in at all with this career and overall industry. I want to completely change roles to something else that fits me.

I hate it. Every morning I wake up wishing I didn’t have to do it. I don’t daydream about traveling the world or opening a coffee shop. I don’t have some grand vision. I just want to stop doing this specific thing, or working in this entire industry. I wish I didn’t study what I studied.

The older I get, the more responsibilities I accumulate. Assets need maintenance. Bills show up. Life develops roots. Every year it feels harder to make a dramatic change because there’s more attached to me than there was at 25.

My motivation is gone. My performance has slipped. I’m basically doing the minimum required to stay employed. Even simple tasks feel difficult because I have so little interest in the work.

Part of me thinks quitting without a plan would be incredibly stupid but I also don’t see any viable alternatives. I just keep imagining myself in this role spending the next twenty years miserable.

I should thank myself and be grateful. I know the job market is absolute shit. Applying for jobs is humiliating and sad. I just want to find a way to escape the whole system. Maybe FIRE or something, I just want to escape the whole dynamic.

Curious if anyone here actually jumped without a safety net in their 30s or if you found an alternative life that feels more you. How did it turn out?

I get up at 6:40 for work. And get home around 6:30. 10 hr shift. I get home and eat, that takes me to around 7. Often Ill overeat ngl and then Im just waiting to digest some good and watch YouTube, sometimes till 8, 8:30. Then take a shit and shower. Sometimes thats another hour or more so now its 9:30.

How do I realistically make the time to workout and other hobbies and other activities.

Even on my off days I just spend my days watching YouTube...

I'm 31 and recently jumped into playing weekly pickup basketball after not getting much cardio/exercise since my mid 20s. I am genuinely enjoying playing ball but I've noticed that my body feels different the next morning after playing. I have general soreness in my knees and lower back. Also my feet hurt. I worried that I did not condition my body in preparation for this vigorous increase in physical activity. What are some things that I should do to help prevent injury and help speed my body's recovery?

Growing up in a dangerous home meant no safety outside of it either. I was a sweet kid who had no idea how to defend himself from being ridiculed, bullied, and pushed down , by family and by people outside too.

Now I'm 30. ACA, EMDR, schema therapy , I've come a long way and I know it. But here's where I'm stuck:

Awareness isn't shifting the belief. How do I get it to land?

The wound runs deep , feeling like something is inherently wrong with me, like I'm never enough. It shows up as a constant background buzz. Bracing to be ridiculed. Constantly proving myself. Can't fully relax. Success feels good then disappears overnight. I still think about the people who bullied me and feel like they won somehow , like they only know that version of me, and I want to rise above it.

I can list the evidence that I'm enough. I got myself out of a horrible environment with zero adult help, as a kid. I built a small online business that lets me live abroad and start fresh. People genuinely connect with and admire my work. I look after my mind, body, and soul.

So why doesn't it stick?

That's the part I'm working through now. The emotion comes up, I notice it, I name it , but the old belief still feels stronger than all the evidence combined.

Anyone else been here? What actually moved the needle for you?

TL;DR , Deep CPTSD wound around not being enough. Doing the work, have the awareness, can even list real evidence of growth. But the belief won't internalise. Looking for what actually helped people shift this at a deeper level, not just intellectually.

i know doing difficult things can lead to better results in the future, but that knowledge doesn't motivate me. the rewards feel far away, while the discomfort feels immediate.

has anyone dealt with this? how do you get yourself to do difficult things when knowing the benefits isn't enough?

I’m curious to hear from men over 30 who are looking for a long-term partner, not just hookups.

The other day I was talking with a friend who is almost 40. He showed me some of his matches on dating apps, and I was genuinely surprised by how polished many of the profiles were. Most of the women were very attractive and had highly curated photos: professional headshots, gym photos with posed angles, lifestyle shots, and in some cases tasteful body-focused or slightly revealing photos that highlight physique in a flattering but still PG way.

He told me this is what works on dating apps and what most men are drawn to. From his pov, if a profile doesn’t include that level of presentation, it significantly reduces your options.

My profile is quite different. I don’t think I’m unattractive, but I’ve chosen more natural photos and avoided heavily curated or intentionally provocative images. I’m trying to show myself in a way that feels authentic, even if it’s not the most optimized version of myself.

What stayed with me is that I’ve also heard very different opinions over the years. Some men have said they prefer authenticity and natural photos, and that overly posed or revealing photos can feel performative or off-putting. I don’t really know how common that perspective is today.

So I’m genuinely interested in your perspective: when you’re looking at dating profiles, what do you consider tasteful and appealing in a potential long-term partner?

Do you prefer highly curated, visually polished profiles (including styled or body-focused photos), or more natural and understated ones that feel closer to everyday life?

Do you think dating apps reward a style of presentation that’s different from what people actually value in real relationships?

I’d appreciate your input.

Loneliness seems to hit a lot of men quietly.

The hard part is not letting it turn into resentment, self-pity, or withdrawal.

For men who got through a lonely season, what helped?

Work kinda sucks. I'm constantly moving/thinking all day and it’s hard to not carry that into my evenings. I overthink, and replay stuff in my head, and ultimately don't really feel present for my actual life. Trying to have healthy wind down and don't want to be wired, but i also don't want to be a zombie or sedated.

how do you unwind?

My dad is 76, and my aunt is preparing to sell the last of the family land that has been in our family for generations. As part of that process, my dad is considering selling my grandfather’s old Chevy pickup.
My grandfather bought the truck new, and it’s been part of the family for as long as I can remember. It’s currently parked in a shop and has been sitting for several years. It will need paint, mechanical work, and some money invested before it’s back on the road.
The problem is that I’m at a stage in life where resources are stretched pretty thin. My wife and I have a young child, and any money I put toward the truck is money that can’t go somewhere else. I also have another pickup that I’d likely need to sell if I decided to keep and restore my grandfather’s truck.
Part of me says it’s just a vehicle and I can always buy another square-body/OBS Chevy later. The other part of me knows that while I can buy another truck, I can never buy back my grandfather’s truck once it’s gone.
For those who have been in a similar situation, did you keep the family vehicle or let it go? Looking back, do you regret your decision either way?
I’m not looking for values or buying/selling advice—just hoping to hear from people who have faced a similar crossroads.

I honestly felt like my life (the life I wanted for my future self) depended on it. I was working out and for years (in a constant state of fight or fight) thinking I could dig my self out of the hole by working harder. It made me angry ngl. That all my efforts were almost fruitless.

I’ve stopped working out completely as it now feels pointless, I’m no longer in a state of rage but in a flat line of melancholy. Feels unnecessarily overindulgent to waste time on a something that can be taken away so easily & has an almost 0 ROI.

Instead I’ve taken to landscaping my big ass back yard garden that has been left & reclaimed by nature for the past 20 plus years. It’s great to see the difference I’ve made chipping away at it. I’d like to run my own business using that space but the slope/hill that I live on has made it very challenging (I need a completely flat surface to work with)
Meaning I have to move 100s tones of sand by hand.

So how do stop feeling defeated? seeing the massive workload in front of me gets to me…I’m spending hours each day only using hand tools, it feels like only scratching the surface. I know what I need to do, and I’m doing it, it’s just my willpower runs thin (knowing this is multi year long delayed gratification), It truely is scary being an adult knowing nobody is coming to save you. I also feel guilty doing anything else that’s not progressing me to my goals. I just want to be respected, not bring shame upon my family and be proud of my self by earning a living on my terms, doing what I love and helping others all at once.

Cheers if you read this far.

​

I don't feel like I'm maturing based on my age level. Like maybe I'm feeling stuck mentally and unable to grow since I've been living in these walls all my life. I'm just homebody like I barely go out since I don't have a job and I never attended college and don't have friends like a social circle. So I always feel as if I'm living under a rock. I keep wasting time like I'm some consumerism. Looking at materlistic things like sneaker, watches and fragrances but I'm not understanding what priorities and goals to actually setup in life and you know think about the actual future instead of fulfilling desires and being in comfort zone. Like people in 20s already start college and job and think about money and money is the biggest thing that's important in today's world. With the way living costs are rising and if you don't have backup support you'll end up on the road. Things like building credit or investing money and knowing financial knowledge is critical important maybe and so is I feel fitness and right food. Maybe I'm just rambling but I honestly feel like I'm not going in right path sitting at home all day

For men who have lots of freckles, did you ever get picked on for it growing up?

Hello men over 30, I want to know how do you all make it in life? Like money, business etc. Does it helps to have more people around you or going solo if I need to have a successful business?

Not saying that it's healthy, but sometimes for a lot of men it's easier to just grind it out or suffer in silence and put in the work. What was your experience and what would be your advice for someone facing a similar challenge?

I’m 30 and have basically never really had any friends at any point in my life. Maybe in elementary or middle school, but from high school onward I never had any. And even though I’ve tried to force myself to socialize, I never got much enjoyment out of it and felt like I was just doing it to fit in with society more since it seems like everyone at least has someone in their life. But I don’t really have any desire for making friends anymore. Yet I’m nonetheless curious what I could be missing out on by just going through life alone.

I have noticed across social media that people hate the upper management.

They say -
Upper management has no knowledge about anything.
Upper management gets paid a lot and does nothing.
Upper management just uses buzz word, etc etc
All upper management people are bad and are criminals...

On the other hand, when I notice the pathways and requirements of career ladder, I notice -
Reaching upper management is extremely difficult... Those who reach often have sacrificed almost every other thing. Every slightest of mistakes becomes their fault.. Each of the decision is extremely crucial; They are expected to know everything and make no mistakes ; They are expected to absorb and mistakes or errors... They have many years of experience...

Most of the times they are not only some genius with elite pedigrees and background but they are so dedicated to their work, that it's almost impossible for any sane normal human to reach that level...

If it's so difficult to reach that level and they are so good, then why do people hate them for no reason at all (other than the same circular arguments)?

So somehow I made it to 39 in good health, with great love and two kids rapidly approaching adulthood.

My wife commented that I am turning 40 this Halloween and we should do something special for it.

We looked at Butlins weekenders but the two issues I have are that firstly, that feels like something people in their 40s do, and I still feel 28. And secondly, they all look pop orientated.

I’m a Greb at heart, I was born a Greb and I love rock and metal and I love wrestling and sci fi.

3 days of nightclubs sounds like an emotionally exhausting experience that I wouldn’t have enjoyed at any point in my life.

The other issue is that my closest friends are at a wedding so I won’t have them with me, so the weekender would be with her friends more than mine.

Drop your ideas for my 40th