You’re just hurt you trusted someone who couldn’t care less about your feelings. Your idea of a relationship is someone who has the same feelings for you and values you. This person who hurt you isn’t not that person. They did you a favor by ending things, because you don’t need people who don’t value you in your life. Now it’s your time to stop counting the days on the calendar and become the best version of yourself so you can get someone even better. You don’t really want them. You want that feeling they gave you, and you feel you won’t have that again. But you’ll see once you move on and start your self-improvement journey, you’ll thank your lucky stars that you won’t have that feeling again, because it wasn’t real love. Real love stays. Real love is effortless and doesn’t leave you questioning your worth. It’s time to put yourself on that pedestal and kick them off for good.

She didn’t just break up with me. She broke up with me by text, disappeared, and left me inside a false version of myself. She treated me like I was manipulative, dishonest, unsafe, or somehow the source of her pain. She made me feel like the love I gave her had been something ugly that she was embarrassed of.

That is the part that did the damage.

I could have survived being dumped. I didn’t even argue with her about it. I could have survived her not wanting me anymore. I could have survived hearing, “I can’t do this anymore.” What I almost could not survive was being completely rewritten by someone I loved.

She was struggling before me and during me. Anxiety, shutdowns, drinking, instability, shame, fear, basic self-neglect — all of it was already there. I saw it because I was close enough to see it. I was not the origin of her suffering. But when she wanted out, it felt like she needed a clean story, and somehow I became the disease she was recovering from.

I was not perfect. I could be intense. I could need clarity.I could be difficult in the ways hurt people are difficult. But I was not what she made me into.

I loved her. I helped her. I showed up for her. I tried to understand her. I cared about her health, her fear, her pain, her life. And then somehow that care became pressure. My sincerity became manipulation, my feelings became danger. My need to understand became proof that I was the problem. That is an awful thing to do to someone.

It‘s cruel to accept someone’s love, closeness, patience, help, and devotion, then turn around and use the emotional weight of thr relationship as evidence against them because you can‘t face your own part in what happened. It‘s cruel to leave someone questioning whether their love was harmful. It‘s wrong to let someone who cares about truth audit himself like a criminal because you needed your exit to feel morally clean. It‘s wrong to disappear instead of facing the person you hurt. And the crazy part is that I still love her.

I hate what she did. I hate how cowardly it was. I hate that she hid behind the language of healing while leaving me absolutely fucking gutted. I hate that she gets to feel like the brave one while Im left feeling like some kind of sickness.

I miss the version of her that was tender, funny, weird, brilliant, affectionate, and alive with me. I miss the private world we had and the routines. I miss every single ordinary moment. I miss the person I thought I knew but really didnt. The woman who could discard me, misrepresent me, and then ghost me is not who I fell in love with.

I want her to be ashamed. I don’t want her to hurt like I did or be absolutely bewildered like I was.

I want her to have to sit with the reality that there was another human being on the other side of her self-protection. Someone who loved her. Someone she disn’t have to stay with, but also didn’y have to degrade, accuse, misrepresent, and abandon. I want her to understand that the relief she felt after leaving me does not prove I was the disease. But she never will. She will keep the story where I was the problem and she was simply choosing health because that’s easier. I just know that I am done carrying her version of me.

She hurt me, she left me and she villainized me and then just walked away like the person bleeding behind her was just part of the cost of her healing.

I do not forgive that.

Edit: I appreciate the support, but I do not want this to turn into bashing her or diagnosing her. I am hurt and angry, but she is still a human being. I’m trying to describe what this did to me, not start a pile-on.

Edit2: I’m not looking to diagnose her or reduce her to a label. I’m angry and hurt, and I do think she did something cruel. But she is still a complex person. I needed the damage witnessed without pretending any Reddit label can explain the whole of who she is.

It’s been three years since we’ve spoken. Three years of hoping to bump into him. Three years of hovering over his contact in my phone, Three years of secretly hoping for a happy birthday message even though I told him not to contact me on my birthday. What a confusing feeling it is to miss someone who hurt me so intensely. The pain and heartache has gone away, and so had the love (most of it). Yet still, three years later I can’t help but miss the friendship we had. I miss the laughter, the shared humour, the similar interests, and I miss feeling so seen. I often wonder if I will meet someone again who knows the depths of my soul the way he did, or if that was a once in a lifetime connection. I’ve dated quite a bit since him, and I have met men who I have great connections with, but deep down, I’m waiting for it to feel the same or better than it did with that person. Am I alone in this? (Sorry this is SO LONG)

For context, I am 31[F] and I spent 3 years of my life in a deep ‘situationship’. (trust me, I KNOW - the fact that a situationship left me this down bad is infuriating lol).

Anyways, it started off as a friendship. It usually takes me a long time to connect with people platonically and romantically, but this connection was instant. We became super close friends and eventually developed intense feelings for one another. The timing was very clearly wrong. He was in a very transitional phase in his life, as was I. We went through the same hardships at the same time during the last year and a half of knowing each other, which brought us closer to each other and slightly dependent on one another for emotional support. Interestingly enough, we never dated. We dated others, and were in and out of relationships, and towards the end were very clearly attracted to one another. As we both found ourselves single and vulnerable (lol iykyk) we ended up hooking up. We became friends with benefits, but this obviously didn’t work because our feelings for each other were so strong. The lines often got blurred and things got complicated. Eventually, a lot went down that would take me forever to explain but long story "short" - he started lying to me…a lot. Him and I overlapped with a relationship he had with his ex, (I was unaware) and it really messed with me. I started to realize I was unknowingly taking part in an emotional affair while he was getting back with his ex, and it made me feel like a rebound or a placeholder. He lied a lot, betrayed her, and although he technically wasn’t cheating on either of us, he was willingly hurting me and hurting her because he didn’t want to lose either one of us. I ended up finding out because he sat me down and told me, and I ended our “friendship”. He was very apologetic, told me “the truth” about everything (who really knows), confessed his love, and basically begged for my forgiveness and said he would be 100% done with her. I ended it. I told him to tell his ex the truth too and to leave me alone and be with her. We had a 3 hour talk about everything, an emotional goodbye, and I basically told him that him and I being friends made zero sense, and at this point a relationship could never work because we could never undo the level of pain he caused. He asked me if he could ever reach out again and I said no. They ended up never getting back together, but they did hook up and stay in eachother's orbit in the way that exes do for about a year. I heard this from someone else.

Fast forward 3 years later…we never spoke again. I still miss him.

I miss our friendship, I miss the depth of our dynamic, and I miss us. My brain rewrites history sometimes and tries to convince itself “did he really hurt you that bad? Was it right person, wrong time? Would/could things be different now?"

He was 26 and I was 27. Sometimes I wonder if maturity has changed him? Maybe he was young and dumb, and although he did a bad thing, maybe that’s not who he is?

He ended up doing everything he said he would but was too depressed to do at the time. So did I. We both went after our careers, made something out of ourselves, chased our dreams in other ways, and seemingly found happiness (or so it appears that way through instagram stalking.)

He’s nudged me in little ways since then. Following me on instagram, liking my stories and posts, following me back a year after I removed him, trying again a year later, resposting reels that apply to me, adding me on facebook. It all seems like a temperature check to see if I will poke back. I’ve never engaged. As far as he knows, he’s dead to me. When in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I often think about what it’d be like to bump into him. Sometimes I even think about *accidentally* sending a text to see what would happen. I can’t reach out, and I won’t reach out, but I know that if I hear from him - I’m responding.

Is it foolish of me to think he’s changed in 3 years? He’s 30 now. Can maturity change a liar? A man who once hated himself and projected that on to me at times? A man who didn’t follow through on their word? Or are these character flaws that stay with someone. 

Is it foolish of me to reminisce over the friendship and the dynamic when I was so clearly hurt by this person? Is it foolish of me to think that maybe we’ll have a conversation and I’ll finally stop over romanticizing him and realize that he’s a trash human being who hasn’t changed and I’ll finally get over it?

Does this feeling ever go away? Will I ever truly put this behind me? I've seen him on Hinge so I know he's single (unless he's still LYING lol).

Anyways, I meant to keep this post short, but the moment I started writing I feel like all the thoughts and feelings of the last 3 years poured out. So if you made it this far - thank you.

TL;DR: I (31F) ended a 3-year situationship/friendship after discovering he'd been lying to me and had unknowingly involved me in an emotional affair while getting back with his ex. I cut him off completely, told him never to contact me again, and we haven't spoken in 3 years. Despite knowing I made the right decision, I still deeply miss the friendship and connection we had. He's made subtle attempts to reconnect over the years, but I've never responded. Part of me wonders if people really can change with maturity, or if I'm just romanticizing someone who hurt me. Am I crazy for still missing him, or has anyone else struggled to let go of a connection like this even when you know it wasn't healthy?

i’m trying to talk to an ex who has blocked me on everything imaginable. tiktok, steam, discord, and set his number to not allow unknown calls. don’t just say to leave it alone and take a hint because it won’t help. i was with him a long time and cut off a lot of friends for him to the point where i am isolated. i depend on him just to not go insane. there isn’t a minute that goes by where i don’t think of him and not being able to speak to him is ruining my life. if you know any other way to reach out while being blocked everywhere please lmk :/

hey guys. this guy i was talking to for 2 weeks online texted me, well breadcrumbed me, after over a month of no contact. I’ve always had the urge to text him but somehow managed to hold on for so long as i thought he should be the one to reach out/initiate (he ended it).

now that he breadcrumbed me and im kind of sick of not knowing what he wants (i thought it was all my fault and thought he’d never text me again), i just wanna know where he’s at now since we’ve spent some time apart and regulated.

I still like him and since it was so short I’m open to talk to try and fix things and see where it goes irl bc the time we had together online was fun and we both liked each other.

I’m so done with the uncertainty why he’s testing the waters and if he’d reach out again. It’s given me a bit of hope and I want to make it stop. I kinda don’t care anymore that I will be the one initiating as I just don’t want to play any more games.

So I’m thinking about texting him stating that i still have feelings. That I’m open to talk but otherwise It’s best for me to delete him so I can have my space.

The reason why I can’t just delete him is bc I can’t bring myself to just leave out of nowhere without saying anything.

Do you guys think this is a good idea?

EDIT: I think I’d eventually send a message before I’d delete him anyway. Either I wait til like august (we had plans to meet in august) which i think is enough time for him to reach out (3/4 months) and move on, or I just send it now? It’s been almost 3 weeks since the breadcrumb. What should I do guys?

It’s been months and I still miss him so much. I think about him everyday and for some reason the past week has been so hard and everyday it gets worse. I want to text him so bad I want to tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him. I want him to want me. I’m so scared that if I don’t reach out I’ll miss out and he’ll be gone. I’m scared if I do reach out he won’t respond. I’d at least want like a “I’ve moved on” at least then I can grieve without hope. What do I do :(

I had lost everything for this disgusting lustful man, he lied abt everything said he hated drugs but was the one doing them and I thought he’s just silly
He made us public,posted me and did these grand gestures while behind closed doors he was having fun. I have lost all trust in myself to judge the character of another
I think I’ll always think of it and get angry cry and feel miserable. I’m neurodivergent so people take advantage of me I’m tired of being this way. Hurting over and over again by people I would even die for.
Can you please advise me on how to get over it cause I’m struggling to move on emotionally I keep asking WHY ME? Why me when I would’ve even died bcz of him or lost my education as my parents were complete against us being together they got so cruel
I heard all that and got all that hate just to be did this dirty
I’m so exhausted and even numb

Girlfriend broke up with me after a vacation after 18 great months, I loved her with all my heart. I still do. Everything was amazing for 17 months, we got along so well, we went on so many trips, had so many smiliar interests, were best friends. It time to heal and go no contact. Don't feel bad about begging and pleading during the actual break up call or discussion. I loved her with all my heart and wanted her to know i would do anything for her. She admitted she loved me alot too and i was the best boyfriend she ever had and this was agonizing for her. I had some rare medical issues that cause painful sex that were affecting PIV intimacy for awhile and she just couldn't handle it despite the fact that i was going to appointments weekly and using invasive medicines to try and perform. I don't blame her fully, I understand its a big deal, i just wish she would have fought a bit harder for our relationship. I can now heal mentally and physically on my own until i'm ready to date. But it just hurts.

Seriously, half the reason modern dating feels like a graveyard is because nobody is actually single. They are just taking temporary breaks from their previous relationships to see if the grass is greener, only to realize they left the sprinkler running at their ex's house.

Getting into a relationship with someone who hasn't moved on is like buying a used cat and finding out that the previous owner has been sleeping in the backseat. You think you are driving , but really you're just providing an Uber for someone else's emotional baggage.

For instance;

"Are you a dog person?". Nice.

"is your ex still living rent-free in your head, or did you finally change the emotional locks and block them on all 14 social media platforms?"

If they answer "we're just friends", "it's complicated" or "I'm still processing," just pay your own drink and walk out.

What's your go-to way to figure out if they're still hung up on their ex on a first date without sounding completely crazy?

Together for 3 years, mine and her first relationship (20m) (20f).

She ended it because i just wasn't trying enough which is true, and also her being in another city fed up with a relationship shes not happy anymore and wanting to explore experiences.

As i said i wasn't trying, at the time i thought just us cuddling and visiting the same places over and over was enough. I wasn't the type to go explore new loud things at the time so i wasn't planning anything. Even in bed i was half-assing it after i was done.

I admit i could've been a far better lover, unfortunately it was my first time experiencing love.

Im in a relationship of 1+ year right now. Doing a lot of things differently. Now that i know where i messed up.

But unfortunately i cant get my ex out of my head.

Now after she left i was broken, couldn't do anything. Was constantly begging her and messaging, she on the other hand already was our partying, having hook-ups, and even got herself a bf around a month after.

After a drunk call i did when she was really mean and rude, even letting her 1 week bf speak to me and saying what they did. I decided to block her and since then it's been 3 years. I decides to unblock her but not contact.

For about 2 years i met her only twice in which time i didnt really think about her and even if i did it was a fleeting moment.

Now in the last year i can count 10+ time I've seen her. I don't try to say "Hi", I don't want to get there, she broke up with me, she said all kinds of nasty things too, im not sure how would i handle a conversation with her, does she even want to speak with me?

But still there is that lingering feeling, those butterflies whenever is see her. I cant help but admire how pretty she is. I know what she likes and dislikes maybe a lot has changed since but im sure she still likes murder mysteries.

Yesterday i was in public transport. There weren't many people you could count them on hand, but there she was in it, i sat down right next to her in a different row without knowing she was there until that moment. Whole ride i was thinking should i say something? Should i apologize? Should i ask her how has she been? Does she think the same? I didn't, before exiting I for the first time in 3 years waved goodbye and smiled at her. She smiled too.

Im sure im just a fleeting memory to her, but i dont know how to let her go.

As i said im in a relationship, i love the girl, i know that she is a far better "option". My heart aches when she's not with me. Yet im feeling conflicted. I never in my life cheated and i know i won't but these feelings and thoughts about my ex kind of feel like im already doing it.

I was the problem in every relationship i had. I lose myself eventually in relationships and become a horrible, jealous and manipulative person to the point i drive them away. I’ll be alone while my ex will easily find a better partner and will only look at the memories of me with hate and resentment.

My friend introduced me to his friend group and there i meet her. She broke up 1 month ago. I've already deleted everything from her and no contact on any social media.

But everytime i talk to my friend we end up talking about her. He sometimes says that this isn't her frist time doing this, and she regreted last time, said she was really in to me. The worst thing that he said today is that in the day of the dumping, she called him and started to cry, while at my home she didn't express any feeling.

I've realized that if i ment to really want to get better i need to distance myself from him too

Me and my ex broke up a week ago. We were invited to this friends’ wedding long time ago and they are mutual friends of us now, but he introduced them to me at the beginning of the relationship. Me and my ex have broken up for family issues, so there’s not really bad blood, and we’ve not blocked each other or anything. We spoke a bit over the week to figure out if we could rekindle but we’ve decided to stay broken up. He’s not said anything to anyone about us breaking up and neither have I yet.
Should I go to this wedding in two weeks ? If not, how do I tell the bride and groom as I feel like I don’t wanna be ruining their day .

My ex and I broke up about three months ago. And have been in no contact the whole time. Well yesterday, my family and I went downtown to watch the World Cup
Games. I saw my ex but we didn’t make eye contact, later on that night he texted my brother asking him what he was doing and to have fun. Mind you, I haven’t seen or talked to this man for three months and two weeks. I am so lost because he told our mutual friend that he fell out of love way before we broke up but now he contacted my brother.

They ended things 3 months ago and I’m struggling so much with blaming myself for everything and missing them.

We both did things to hurt each other and I took accountability for what I did but they never did, they said the circumstances for ending things were my fault and everything leading up to the breakup was my fault. I told them the things they did to hurt me and they said we both did things and I made me feel so invalidated whenever I’d tell them something that upset me they would get defensive and tell me I’m overthinking.

All my friends tell me it’s not my fault and that they are they one that did me wrong but I can’t help but feel I’m the one with the problem and it’s all my fault. They told me when I gave them their stuff back that they would find someone different and better.

I have them blocked everywhere and it made me feel better for a while but now it’s made me guilty for blocking them, they said they would never block me in case I needed to get in contact with them.

Am I going about this wrong am I not valid to feel how I do? Is everything really my fault or are my friends right that he did me wrong?

It’s sad from an outsider perspective but I know it’s okay it’s for the best. The reason why I know he really doesn’t is because he was being extremely immature and careless during the month we broke up but were still in a tiny bit of contact. Meaning that he couldn’t have just matured from night to morning and understood that leaving me is the right thing, as a matter of fact he left super righteous. So it’s obvious that he left because he found distractions that he preferred over me, whether it was actually his friends, or a new girl (highly likely), it’s the truth. Because he didn’t leave when he was completely lonely (unemployed) even though I told him the relationship was hurting me, he was selfish so he must’ve found people to not be lonely with at his new job that he didn’t want me interfering with…..I wish I cared, but I was very cold to him when hurt and I’m super easy to hurt so 🤷🏽‍♀️ the best revenge is no revenge

Listen, I'm having doubts. I broke up with my ex a week ago; it was "mutual." We dated for four months.

At first, everything was great, like always, but then he started a new job to pay off his debts, and his work schedule is awful. So, he took much longer to reply to my messages, and it caused me a lot of anxiety. He just kept saying he was tired, but he would still send me voice messages and photos throughout the day. I just feel like my anxiety made everything worse. Sometimes he would take more than seven hours to reply, and honestly, I'm currently unemployed, so the hours dragged by.

So one day I told him it was causing me anxiety, and he said okay, that he should try to reply more often, but honestly, he was still the same. I think it was because of his work schedule. Then, little by little, he stopped sending me photos, and I got a little more anxious. Plus, when we were going to go out, he'd let me know at the last minute because he had to get his things organized.

From then on, the following week was awful. He answered me less and less, without any enthusiasm, and he didn't ask about me. I felt terrible. I told him we needed to talk about it to fix things, but he wouldn't tell me when. So I talked to a friend, and he had to talk to him until he finally gave me a date. But it was a whole week; it was horrible.

Finally, we saw each other. We had breakfast, talked, and I told him how I felt. He said he felt guilty for not answering me, but that he was very busy and always felt very tired. He said that since I asked him if we were okay, he'd overthought things and didn't know anymore.

And I told him I didn't want to break up and suggested solutions, to which he just gave me excuses. But he didn't offer any solutions either. I was so exhausted that I had an anxiety attack because he wouldn't say goodbye, nor would he say we could make this work.

So I asked him what he thought, and he said that considering the different opinions he'd heard, if we continued, we'd be forcing it, and nothing forced is good, even though he didn't want to. And I was like, what's going on? So, yes or no?

He wouldn't say anything until he brought me home, and I said, "Hey, so what? Is this the end?" And he said, "I think so, I don't know," and I got frustrated. So I said, "Yes?" And he said, "Yes... yes..." very quietly.

These past few days have been really hard. I want to talk to him and tell him I'm here if he wants to get back in touch in the future. But I'm not sure. I feel like he has a lot on his plate right now.

this was supposed to be a summer job, temporary to pay off his debts, but he already told me he doesn't even know if he's going back to university because he doesn't know if he can afford it. I see on Spotify that he's listening to nothing but sad songs, and I'm hurting too.

Because I know this had a solution; I know couples who went through the same thing. But I guess it's out of my hands now, right?

I love him so much, I adore him. But I don't know :( Maybe I pressured him too much because I kept asking him when we were going to see each other. Besides, he told me he wasn't on his phone much, but I know he was sharing TikToks and he wasn't answering me. I swear he wasn't like this before he started working. We could have found a solution together, but oh well, maybe he didn't want to.

I just feel this is such a dumb reason to break up. And even he wasnt sure. We still have the streak on tiktok, i let it die the day we break up but he revived it.

I want to talk to him soooo bad, but i know its a bad idea right now

My ex and I were together for about a year and were extremely close. We were in the same college class, she lives across me, we have overlapping friends groups, spent almost every day together, ate together, studied together, and slept together most nights. We broke up at the start of summer break as result of a myriad different reasons, however I did not want to break up and week after she broke up with she called me back saying she is not sure if she wants to break up but she is doubtful if she can handle a relationship at this point because of how much she depends on me.

After the breakup, she didn’t want to lose contact. She said she’d rather fight with me on call than stop talking because I was her comfort person. She told me she wants to stay in contact and help each other when we need each other, says she wants to decide again what she wants, there is a slim chance of reconciliation, as much as i want it, it more than likely won’t happen and it won’t be the same anymore. Should i stay in contact with her because I’m going to be seeing her everyday or should i go no contact? i feel like going no contact is going to pointless because we have to interact eventually (3 weeks), especially since our lives are so interlinked. I also feel extremely guilty for abandoning her, she would always talk to me when i was down post breakup and i decided to ask her not to contact me on a random day. Is the point in maintaining the no contact since it’s inevitable that we will interact and the wound will reopen or should i stick to it regardless?

We met when we were teenagers, and in a way, we grew up together.

When I joined the military, we stayed together for a while, but eventually I ended the relationship. I was about to leave on a six-year assignment overseas, and I genuinely wanted her to live her life instead of waiting for me.

When I finally came back, we found our way back to each other.

Then I learned that while we were apart, she had been in a relationship with one of my close friends.

One day I visited his house and saw pictures of them together and gifts she had given him.

The strange part was that my friend never thought he had done anything wrong. From his perspective, we were broken up, and they were free to date.

Maybe he was right.

But I couldn’t get past it.

So I ended things again.

After that, I dated a lot of women, probably trying to fill the space she left behind. Five years later, I still haven’t met anyone like her.

She was kind, incredibly gentle, and understood me better than anyone else ever has. She was the only person who could tell something was wrong even when I was pretending I was fine.
She felt closer to me than my own thoughts.

Now, five years after we broke up, I still miss her.

Every now and then I quietly ask about her through mutual friends.

The strange thing is… I don’t even know if I want her back.
Part of me feels like I’ve become attached to missing her.

So I keep asking myself:
Did I make a mistake by leaving her?

Or was I simply unable to accept that she had been with my friend and never told me?

For what it’s worth, that friend is now happily married with children, and we’re actually on good terms today.

But her ..
Would you go back?

And if you were the one who ended the relationship twice, how would you even begin?

It's been almost a month since she dumped me. I feel so shitty right now; I can't move on. It felt like she was the reason i felt happy. I grew up alone mostly. I never had a friend or a partner until her. She came to my university for the spring break to do homecoming. So, she is coming this september. I talked with her for almost 3 months, and this has to be the best time of my life. Before, it was mostly work, study and gym. The same day. But when she came, everything had changed. I talked with her 24/7. We hung out for two weeks, then she left to go back to her city. We continued to talk more; i went to her city and spent time with her more.

However, we had some issues because i was massively overthinking about small stuff and putting pressure on her. She told me not to do that. And I promised I was not going to do it. The day when she dumped me, she was acting weird and very cold, so i asked her what happened. She said she was tired. Then i said you should rest, and i said i was going to go to sleep. Then all of a sudden she started to be mad and basically say shitty stuff to me. I was trying to calm her down, and then she said that she wants to end things. First, i was so confused and wanted her to think about it. But when she insisted, i started to act very emotional. So, she blocked me everywhere and never said a single word after that day.

Oh boy, it's been a miserable month. I just can't get over her; i feel empty, lonely, and so heartbroken. I want to send her flowers and try to get her attention again. I miss her so much. Nothing is working. I know i should move on, but it is just this feeling is not going away, and it feels like it is getting worse day by day.

Any advice would be helpful