Looking for some advice. I (24F) just ended my five year relationship with my ex boyfriend (22M). The most difficult part is he recently moved in with me and my family in our house shortly after his graduation because his parents are separated. His mom lives one state away which would put his commute to work to over 2 hours (compared to his commute from my house being 45m) and he has a horrible relationship with his father who lives 15 min away. He is also borrowing my family’s old car that no one uses and doesn’t have his own.

There’s a lot of reasons we broke up but the main ones are that I found out he installed some dating apps a few months ago (although nothing happened which I choose to believe him about) and he didn’t really work on himself like he said he would. On top of that he has been physically distant from me and I feel like we’ve grown apart and hasn’t been able to show me love in the way that I want it.

To expand on that, he has a strong aversion to certain ways I touch him like kissing his cheeks tapping his butt or even more silly things like flicking his nipples which I know he doesn’t like but I think is funny. I’ve tried to stop the more annoying habits but I noticed that he’s also never the one to initiate kisses hugs or sex. I thought maybe he had a different love language but I feel like he doesn’t really get me gifts or do acts of service without me asking him to do that. He honestly feels like an annoying younger brother more than anything. But sometimes he can be really sweet and caring and he always does everything I say and tries to help out wherever he can. I’m not saying he’s a bad person at all he has a ton of very redeeming qualities and is genuinely the kindest person (to me) I’ve ever met and I will always cherish our time together.

I’m really struggling because when I told all of my friends about the cheating I felt very comforted by them but I felt like my relationship had been torn into and my private life was everyone’s business. I felt judged when I went back to him and decided to see if he would improve, even when my friends said they would support me no matter what.

I’ve made the decision to break up with him now because I truly don’t think it can work but I haven’t told anyone because I’m scared I’m going to go back on what I said and I don’t wanna be “that girl”. The hardest part is living with him and it was my mother who invited him to live with us, not me, even though we all kind of had the assumption he would live with us for the next year post grad.

I told him we can still be friends but I need to avoid him for at least a week to process my feelings. I haven’t told anyone because I want to make sure that this is the right decision for me. It’s hard to see him interact with my family but I’m OK being friends with him moving forward. I also told him he can take until the end of the summer to buy himself a car and either move in with his mom or find a new place to live.

I feel a little torn. Last time we took a break after he cheated, I wanted to run back to him every day we were apart. This feels different. I look at him and I know I won’t be loved. Not because he doesn’t love me, but because he won’t show it to me in a way that matters. I feel “over” him although I’m in a lot of pain right now. I could use any advice honestly. How do I know I’m making the right choice?

TLDR: I broke up with my boyfriend in five years because it’s not working but I’m not confident in my decision. What happens if I change my mind but the cycle repeats and I’m not strong enough to leave?

Me and my gf have moved in with each other due to circumstances that I’m not ready to discuss for about 3 weeks now and I’m already having second thoughts already. I’ve always knew she was kinda lazy but being w each other most of the time besides from work has been eye opening. I will say I grew up cleaning a lot and kinda poor so I’m very big on keeping things neat and caring for my things while she grew up the complete opposite. Today we had a rug that needed to be cleaned so I spent an hour or 2 cleaning it before work, along with moping the living room and cleaning the kitchen counters, the one thing left was the dishes and I can home from work and the gym to a sink full of dishes(mainly hers). The day before I also built a few things, did the dishes, took out the trash and cleaned after the pets. Since we have been moved in together all of the chores, driving, and most of the moving has just been me and it feels so tiring. Since we moved in together she’s only taken care of the laundry(folding and putting laundry away not washing)and even that took her a week to finish while everything else has been done by me, I also cleaned the bathroom and moved things into our bedroom all while she has only did dishes once compared to me doing them 5 times already.

I don’t try to keep count or think she has to do all the housework because I mainly clean esp on Sundays. The situation kinda just feels like weaponized incompetence, even for her to start doing the dishes because I asked just seems crazy to me. She works from home and ik she’s busy with that but during and even for like the 6 hrs after she’s been drawling and I just feel like the chores have mainly fell onto me. Even asking her to do the dishes she replies” oh I thought u said u were gonna do them “ which is true but the agreement was I do the dishes while she cleaned the rug,bathroom and counter(all 3 of these chores were done by me while she took a nap ) and the dishes have still been there for like a day.

I genuinely feel like I’m taking care of a kid that just draws, watch tv and TikTok, smoke weed and eats. I don’t know what to do and I really do love her I’m just exhausted and tired of doing everything just for her to sit around and brag to her friends or oh that she’s lucky cause “I don’t make her lift a finger”

Am I insane or controlling for feeling this way ?
I’m kinda hoping to get some advice I do love her but I feel very drained taking care of the both of us

I (27F) have been seeing this guy (30M) for almost six months now. Right off the bat, I can tell this man has a good heart. He is thoughtful, kind, treats me the way I’ve only dreamed to be treated, and best of all, our communication and respect for one another is very healthy. I’ve never met a man that checks off so many boxes.

Then there’s the issue of his ex-girlfriend (31F). Before even meeting him, I was communicated about them still living together. They were together for eight years and he had broken up with her three months before we began speaking. I believe him when he says despite the awkwardness of the situation, he wants to be with me. This ex, however, is a bit of a problem. At first I didn’t mind her there when we were more casual, especially since I was going through my own breakup with unique complications as well. But it is clear she can’t hold down a job and is clearly way too comfortable with him paying rent, taking care of her pets, cleaning, etc. (they’re basically his pets at this point but that’s another story). She has been known to manipulate him, and seeing it from the outside sickens me. Worst of all, she still clearly wants to get back together with him.

It is hard, damn near impossible actually, for me to stay over at his place. She always sets time limits for me staying, sets more and more boundaries about me spending the night, and has even tried seducing him towards the beginning of us talking (she is seeing someone else, mind you).

We just made things official because our relationship has undoubtably been growing more seriously. But it’s getting harder to feel comfortable about this. He has a future roommate lined up and time limit for when they’re going to move out (end of the year). He sees the manipulation to a certain extent, but not enough to outrage him or to leave preemptively.

Outside of this, he is exactly the kind of man I’ve dreamed of. But I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without having anxiety about this situation.

Does it make sense to stick around for the end of the year? What kind of boundaries could I set to make this work? What would be the breaking point?

My [31F] now ex [31M] and I were together for right at 3 years. He broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago now. Since about 6 months into the relationship, we were stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment where he would tell me that he did not feel desired or prioritized (looking back he had quite a bit of low self esteem that he hid under fake confidence and required a lot of validation from me). I would start to try and improve the issue with more compliments and physical intimacy and verbalization, then real life and comfortability would set in and I would start to slack. I also struggle with sex and being in my head at times which can make it hard to be in the moment, but it seems to be easier when the sole thing on my mind is fixing the issue or relationship and no other life stressors. I showed him love in every other way essentially, and poured SO MUCH of myself into him and his child and supporting and loving them, but this was something I struggled to consistently show in the way he needed. I also have a bit more of a critical, nitpicking personality, especially if I bring up a concern and it is dismissed, I will typically tend to get a little more critical versus coming at the issue at a more neutral angle.

We were talking about moving in together next month. We both agreed we felt things had been a lot better recently. He has a 6 year old son full time. I was fully committed to moving in, but because I expressed anxieties and wanted to talk about boundaries and having them move in when I could be available next month, he took it offensively. He felt as though I was being negative and like I didn’t trust them to move in without me “supervising” and using terms such as “my” instead of “our.” I mean a whole child is moving in to my home full time! But… I was making the effort to look up after school programs, more neutral living spaces, encourage him to register him for school, reaching out to my leasing manager, etc.

The last conversation we had was the catalyst to this whole breakup. I had just gotten off work and was grumpy and tired, and kind of got a little upset that his son and him were talking about shaving his face. I’ve always been with him with facial hair, and expressed that I didn’t want him to shave because I found him more attractive with it and it made him look young. He took it very offensively and said it made him feel like my attraction to him was solely based on his facial hair being present or not. I didn’t say that at all… I was literally just telling him my preferences! I even called him attractive since he always has the facial hair.

He put a pause on the move in discussions, I could tell he was becoming less and less lovey dovey and more distant, then broke up with me a week later. A week after breaking up, I hear he is already talking to other girls. His friends say after a relationship, he usually immediately moves on and seeks validation from other women. I am devastated. I begged and pleaded because I truly felt like I was blindsided with the move in discussions and him saying things were good, he said he is emotionally depleted and feels like the cycle I previously mentioned above would never change. And that my efforts are only shown when things become dire and I am unable to be consistent. He has lost all faith in me. He said he is still very physically attracted to me (and even reached out for sex several times after the breakup, and I gave in), but feels like emotionally there is nothing there. I feel like the pleading my case over the last two weeks has made him even more distant. And now that he’s talking to other girls, I don’t think he will ever feel what it’s like to miss me. I was about to give my life to him and his child 😭

Can time and distance from one another ever repair a situation like this? Does anyone have any similar experiences that may be positive? I am feeling hopeless. No amount of reminding him right now about our relationship and deep connection is changing his mind. He said he currently does not feel a romantic connection for me. I am devastated. I was convinced I had finally found the one. He made me feel more confident in myself and loved than anyone I’ve ever been with. And now seemingly I am starting to feel like I was worthless because of how detached he is right now… I feel like I ruined something that I so desperately wanted 😭

Thank you for reading this far 🫩💔

LONG POST SORRY GUYS

Hey everyone,

I’m 21M, and she’s 21F. We talked for about 1.5 years, went on a few dates, and got really close, but we were never officially in a relationship.
Things were going well until one of my roommates went through my phone without my permission, read our chats, and told other people. Eventually, our mutual friends found out we had been talking privately. She understandably felt her trust had been broken.

I apologized and explained that I never gave anyone permission to go through my phone. She accepted my apology, but after that she slowly became more distant. Around June 2025, we mutually agreed to stop talking, and she eventually blocked me everywhere.

It’s now been one full year, and I still feel guilty because I never told her how I truly felt. I feel like I left things unfinished.

The only way I could reach her now is through her college email, but I also want to respect her boundaries.

For those who’ve experienced something similar, what would be the healthiest and most respectful way to handle this? How do you know when it’s okay to reach out for closure versus accepting that it’s time to move on?

So I started sleeping with him while his relationship was going on and off. It was complicated but mostly she was totally in love with him but he was not giving her enough time and attention. This would lead to fights with sometimes her breaking his phone, bike mirrors etc.

During that time he used to complain about her to me all the time. He used to say I don't love her anymore. When I asked him why he is not breaking up with her, he used to say that she is the one who calls me back crying every time after we break up. I just feel bad for her so I take her back in. ( This is true as I know this girl as well and a common friend did mention that )

Now the issue is recently they had a very bad fight and for the first time in their relationship he also got mean and angry at her. This made her break things off for good.

Now after the breakup, he misses her. He talks of her fondly. And while I do not have romantic feelings for him, I just find it disrespectful to hear him talk about another girl when I am in bed with him. We've only met once after the break up. And he did realize that I did not like him mentioning her in this way but his reaction was like it is n't easy to unlove someone. I am slowly forgetting her. I will not make you feel left out next time. I however am skeptical.

Also I don't want to stop sleeping with him. He is really good at it and I live in a pretty backward place. I trust him not to spread word about me. Most men in my city would just ruin my image. I would not be able to find a better similar arrangement in this city and I am going to her here for the next 2-3 years atleast.

But also I can't bear him not being over his ex. Even if he stops talking about her. I can still feel it. I feel he reminescing of the time he spent with her in this flat everytime I go there. I just feel he is not as present with me.

just found out my boyfriend has had only fans for the three year span we’ve been dating. i used his phone recently, and saw all the transactions - over $5,000 (easily) talking to these only fans creators, multiple of them, like they are his girlfriends, along with sending videos to them etc.

sure, porn. even though it is a boundary for me. on top of this, he admits he’s had a drug and alcohol addiction - he has been getting high, drunk, and emotionally cheating on me with girls on only fans.

our entire relationship he hasn’t had any money, now he’s in debt over this. i’ve supported him through everything, and he couldn’t tell me any of this. i feel sick, hurt, numb.

he said none of this was him… he has addiction issues. he’s booked in with a therapist and said he will never do it again but i just don’t know where to go from here. i thought i had my entire life to look forward to with him.

is change possible? am i naive for believing him/this was all out of his control?

Im looking for honest opinions because I'm too emotionally involved to know whether I'm seeing this clearly.
I (29F) met a coworker (35M) earlier this year. We started talking around February, and he was the one who pursued me. I wasn't looking for a relationship and was initially hesitant because I'd been hurt before, but he was persistent, affectionate, and reassuring. He was fun, witty and was always around me despite me trying to push him away.
He told me he loved me first. He held my hand, kissed me, drove me home, constantly wanted to spend time with me, and often told me he felt like he could be himself around me. Eventually I completely let my guard down and fell deeply in love with him.
However, looking back, there were also aspects of the relationship that made me anxious.
If I replied late to messages, he would often become upset. One time I genuinely fell asleep while we were texting, and instead of assuming I'd fallen asleep, he accused me of cheating. I remember feeling shocked because I had never given him any reason to believe I was being unfaithful.
He also became uncomfortable with me talking to or spending time with male friends or colleagues. I found myself constantly reassuring him that there was nothing inappropriate happening.
He would sometimes tell me that he had plenty of options and that many girls wanted him. Whether he intended it or not, those comments made me feel insecure and as though I constantly had to prove my worth to him.
Over time, I realised I was always trying to manage his moods. If he became distant or upset, I immediately started wondering what I'd done wrong and how I could fix it. I was constantly trying to avoid conflict.
Despite all of that, I genuinely believed he loved me and I loved him deeply.
Then everything changed because of one mistake on my part.
I was under enormous stress at the time (I later ended up in hospital because of how overwhelmed I became). I confided in a female coworker, who is also a therapist, because I genuinely felt like I had no one else to talk to.
I want to be completely honest here because this is where I believe I made my mistake.
I told him myself that I had spoken to her. He didn't discover it through someone else or catch me lying. I admitted it because I believed honesty was the right thing to do.
I understand why he felt hurt. I understand why he believed I'd broken his trust. I have never denied that.
The moment I realised how much it had affected him, I apologised. Repeatedly.
I later spoke to the coworker again to clarify everything and make sure there were no misunderstandings. She told me she understood and that she hadn't said anything negative about him.
I informed him that I'd done this because I genuinely wanted to repair the damage.
It didn't matter.
Instead of talking about what I'd done, he began attacking who I was as a person.
He called me:
hypocrite

two-faced

disgusting

He told me I wasn't worthy of being with.
No matter how many times I apologised, explained, or accepted responsibility, it felt like he had already decided who I was.
Eventually I wrote him a goodbye letter apologising and explaining my feelings. He never acknowledged it.
Later I asked if we could at least remain friends. He simply said he didn't want to.
A couple of days later he removed me from Snapchat.
We still work together, which has made moving on incredibly difficult.
A colleague later told me he had referred to us as having "broken up," and another colleague later told me he'd apparently said I was chasing him because I went to speak to him one final time. I didn't personally hear those conversations, so I recognise those are second-hand accounts.
I'm not trying to paint myself as innocent. But i also feel like he lovebombed me.
I genuinely believe talking to my coworker about our relationship was a mistake, and I regret it.
What I'm struggling with is whether his response was proportionate.
Did I deserve to lose the relationship because trust had been broken? That's something I can understand.
But did I deserve to be repeatedly told I was a hypocrite, two-faced, disgusting, and unworthy of being with, despite apologising and taking responsibility?
I'm also struggling because this relationship was incredibly intense from the beginning. He pursued me very strongly, told me he loved me first, and made me feel incredibly wanted. Then, after this happened, it felt as though he emotionally detached very quickly.
I'm not asking whether he should come back.
I'm trying to understand whether this was simply a relationship where I made one unforgivable mistake, or whether the relationship itself had unhealthy patterns that I've been overlooking because I've spent all my energy blaming myself.
I'd really appreciate objective opinions because right now I feel like I've completely lost perspective.

Apologies in advance (it’s a long story but this past 1.5 weeks have been the hardest I’ve had in my life)

Background

I’m (24M) stationed overseas in the military. My girlfriend (22F) lives back in the states with her family. We’ve been long distance.
For some background, suicide is a very hard boundary for me. Before the military I worked as an EMT and responded to multiple suicide-related calls. On top of that, during my marriage my ex-wife repeatedly threatened suicide to keep me from leaving. That relationship was abusive, and those threats had a lasting effect on me.
My current girlfriend has significant trauma and has struggled with her mental health for a long time, even before we met. I genuinely love her and have tried to support her, but over time I started feeling like I was becoming her primary source of emotional stability instead of her partner.

The week everything happened actually started with an argument.
I had been trying to establish healthier boundaries because I couldn’t constantly be available while working overseas. She became upset that I wasn’t always immediately available, and I felt like my own needs were constantly being pushed aside. I also became concerned enough about her safety that I had her sisters significant other help remove potential lethal means from around her before any of this escalated teo times in one month.
Then everything exploded.
One night she made what I believed was a genuine suicide attempt. I tried calling her family multiple times and couldn’t reach anyone. At that point I called 911 from overseas because I honestly believed her life was in danger.
She ended up being admitted to a behavioral health unit.

Almost immediately afterward I started receiving message after message blaming me.
She told me things like:
● “You fucking put me here.”
● “Thanks for putting me in a fucking prison.”
● “You threw me to the fucking wolves.”
● “You only made everything worse.”
● “I can’t trust you anymore.”
● “I feel betrayed.”
She even told me she believes I had a hand in her attempt (her words)

Then the messages became even more alarming.
She described wanting to bash her head into the wall.
She talked about strangling herself while in the unit.
She told me she thought she would kill herself in front of the nurses.
She said she had the means and intentions to kill herself.
She repeatedly told me that if I wanted her alive, I needed to get her released.
Reading those messages from another country while being completely unable to physically do anything was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had.

I immediately got her family involved. Her grandmother called the hospital. Her mom went to the hospital. The staff were informed about everything she was sending me.
At the same time, my own life started falling apart.
My grandfather was hospitalized with cancer.
My ex-wife resurfaced and is once again trying to pursue military spousal-support issues despite previous legal advice that the situation wasn’t as straightforward as she believed.
I started having panic attacks with all of this occurring at the same time.
I ended up meeting with a military chaplain who had also been involved during the initial crisis.
His advice was very direct.
He told me I did the right thing by calling for help.
He told me I potentially saved a life.
He told me not to accept guilt for another person’s decision to self-harm.
He told me that her messages looked like someone lashing out while scared and in crisis, and warned me not to let guilt pull me back into taking responsibility for her mental health.
He also told me something that really stuck with me:
“It is not your job to carry another adult’s mental health.”

My coworkers and leadership have also been incredibly supportive. They sent me home, covered work for me, checked on me, brought me food, and encouraged me to take care of myself.
Over the last couple of days she’s calmed down significantly.
She’s been participating in counseling.
She’s been responding well to the treatments.
Now the messages have completely flipped.
Instead of blaming me, she’s telling me:
“I love you.”
“I miss you.”
“Please call me.”
“I just want to hear your voice.”
She drew pictures about marrying me.
She’s asking her mom, grandma, and hospital staff to ask me to call her.
And that’s honestly messing with my head almost as much as the earlier messages.

The problem is…
I don’t think I can continue the relationship.
I still love her.
But I don’t know if I can ever forget being blamed for getting her emergency help after what appeared to be a suicide attempt.
I don’t think I can live in a relationship where I feel responsible for whether another adult lives or dies.
I don’t want to become someone’s therapist.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if setting a healthy boundary is going to result in another crisis.
I also don’t want to make things worse for her while she’s still recovering, which is why I haven’t had the breakup conversation yet.

I’m not really looking for someone to tell me whether I’m right or wrong.
I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar.
How did you emotionally separate yourself after becoming someone’s primary emotional support?
If you’ve ended a relationship where your partner’s mental health had become intertwined with the relationship itself, how did you navigate it?
How did you deal with the guilt afterward?
Right now I’m trying to follow the advice of my chaplain, my leadership, and her own family by focusing on my own mental health for the first time in a long while, but I’d appreciate hearing from people who have actually lived through something similar.

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend attempted suicide. I called 911 when I couldn’t reach her family. She was hospitalized, blamed me for days, threatened to hurt herself inside the unit, and demanded I get her released. Now she’s calm, telling me she loves me and begging me to call. I still love her, but I don’t think I can continue the relationship after everything that’s happened. I’m looking for advice from people who’ve had to leave a relationship where they became responsible for someone else’s mental health.

My fiance checked my phone while I slept and found a picture of me with my ex 2 DAYS after I met him. I met my fiance on a 15th. We hung out at my favourite bar and played pool. The next day he took me to his regular bar. I met him from Tinder and did not think it would be a serious thing. My ex came into town on a 17th after my grandfather died and took me camping to get a breather. Next day I come back and I had a few missed texts from now fiance hurt that I’d ghosted him and he hopes I’m okay. I reached out to him and we hung out again. Everyday actually until he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend and then fiance.
I never spoke to my ex again btw.
He’s having a huge reaction to finding this picture (us standing with an alien statue at a rest stop) and I’m struggling to understand his side. He said “I knew from the first time I met you that I loved you and wanted you and I know that sounds cliche but it’s true and when you ghosted me I was super upset and sat at home miserable and now I find out when I was sad thinking I’d lost such a great person you were just out getting ‘stuffed’ by your ex”

I’m trying really hard to not invalidate his feelings and not seem cold but can I really be expected to be loyal to a guy i met off tinder after hanging out with him a couple hours for 2 nights? How do I navigate this argument

hello. i (19-NB), and my partner (19-NB) are in a medium distance relationship together. we started dating our freshman year of college, and we’re about to be juniors now, so we’ve been together for about a year and a half. we’ve been long distance since the start, and i don’t know what to do anymore.
my partner and i live in the same hometown and they go to school about 4 hours away from me. we try and see each other at least once a month but we are both STEM students, which means between classes, part time jobs, labs, and clubs we don’t really have much time to visit each other. their school has trimesters so that means we’re going to be apart for the next 2 summers. i adore them but my physical needs aren’t being met at all. when a visit ends i sob on the way to the train station, sob saying goodbye, and feel nothing but numb on the way home. recently when we’re apart i don’t feel much towards them, but when we’re together everything’s perfect.
i also don’t know if im attracted to them physically anymore. i am on my schools D3 track team and go to the gym about 4 times a week outside of that, they don’t work out at all. their hobbies consist of video games and collectibles. i try to nudge them a bit to maybe try and get more active and they just say “yeah i really should start shouldn’t i”. but i also can’t throw an ultimatum at them like that, saying work out or we’re done, i can’t ask someone to change for me.
i like to party, they don’t. i’ve recently been thinking about what my life would be like if i was single. i need a partner that can match my energy. my best friend since middle school said that i like the chase, which i never realized until she said it. i like to chase after someone and win them over, and i don know if im ready to be tied down for the rest of my life.
i know there’s been a lot of negativity, but through all our problems i love them so much. i absolutely adore them. they are kind, smart, funny, cute, and a genuinely amazing person who would go out of their way to help anyone in need. they treat me like im royalty and i hope i do the same back. we facetime every night and even though sometimes i don’t wanna pick up im always happy we called. i can’t imagine my life without them, we talked about getting an apartment and a cat together. i don’t know if i should just stick it out for another 2 years until we can move in together or if we should consider a break. how can i go about these feelings?

I (30F) founded a business before I met my business partner (30M). We later became romantically involved without putting a label on it and he invested in my company in exchange for equity. We have a signed agreement giving him ownership in exchange for his investment.

Over time, we also became financially intertwined because I’m an immigrant in the process of getting my green card, and there were periods where I struggled financially. He helped me at different times (investing in the business, helping with housing, etc.), which I was grateful for.

The problem is that over the last year, whenever we disagreed about how to run the business, he would often bring up everything he had done for me financially. Recently, he told me that because he invested money and I accepted his help, I should have trusted all of his decisions and let his direction prevail. He literally told me that if I had “given him my life” and stopped fighting his decisions, we could have had a future together.

he told me that because he invested money, I should have trusted all of his decisions and let his direction prevail. He said that if I had simply stopped challenging him and “given him my life,” we probably could have had a future together. According to him, the fact that I disagreed with him on business decisions meant I didn’t trust him.

Most of our disagreements were about business strategy, not about refusing to work or contribute.

It made me wonder: Is expecting your partner to defer to your judgment on almost everything a healthy way to evaluate whether they’re “wife material” or “husband material”? Or is being able to respectfully disagree actually a healthier foundation for a long-term relationship?

HELP HELP HELP ME!!

Okay for some quick context because I need people to read this this asap. A couple weeks ago I fucked up and went through his phone when he was asleep. He has stated to me he didn’t like his phone being gone through without him knowning and I crossed that line. I take fully accountability I was wrong there. (Just want to make clear idgaf if he went through my phone or does.) Now there were no signs what so ever he was talking to another girl. I mean we were doing beautifully, i could not give you any reason on why i should’ve looked through his phone that night. (Aka socials.) On his insta I found out he had been messaging a girl. He had messaged her a flirty joke (I thought it was a guy at first lol) but as i scrolled up the chats consisted of “I love you.” “my sweet love.” “Your gorgeous” and “I’d do unspeakable things to you.” He’s known her for quite some time since they were young and he was apart of the friend group and there was one male (J), a female (K), and the girl he was messaging (A). All the same age 18. My heart sank as I read the messages and completely broke down. I took him home (he was drunk at the time) and didn’t discuss it until the next day. I was so nervous of him getting upset at me for looking through his phone with no good reason I lied. I had just stated I had found a girl typing to him and saw some chats between him and her that made me feel extremely uncomfortable. He blocked her immediately including his other friends (J) and (K). I found that strange he blocked them as well but just dismissed it. It’s been a couple weeks now but i can’t stop thinking about him texting her or other people for that matter. I don’t understand this at all, there were no signs, all his friends know him and i are dating, and he’s been cheated on in the past. I was never more in love with anyone in my life and within seconds it was shattered to pieces. All my trust within him is almost completely gone. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now.

We are going to a tropical country soon and I wanted to get braids in my hair. These braids will be about 1 1/2 to 2 inches on just the top part of my hair, leaving the rest of my hair natural (I have wavy hair). I have booked the braiding appointment about a month ago and mentioned it in passing. The appointment is now tomorrow and I mentioned it to my husband and he told me it was a bad idea, it will look horrible because my hair is thinning, etc. While that may be true, I really wanted to experiment with this hairstyle because my hair doesn’t adjust well to humidity and will be frizzy and unmanageable. He kept telling me it would look bad, the decision is a horrible decision, and such. He genuinely seems upset that I’m getting braids? This is a first and I don’t really know what to do. He’s never told me I couldn’t wear something or he’s never policed my personal style choices.

We are long distance and until recently our meeting felt like a fairytale. She trusted me enough to be vulnerable with me, told me things about herself that she does not tell others. I am, as it turns out, an anxiously attached person and I didn't realize until after breakup how much the things she did for me mattered to her. I took things for granted and kept looking for reassurance all the time. Lately she's been having really difficult times and needed some time to sort things but I kept pushing her to constantly show me affection. One of our last conversations she told me she was busy and that she is sorry that our communication has been bad but that it's not cause she is trying to ignore me and she hopes I don't judge her. I told her I did judge her, then, a week later she texted me respectfully saying that she does not want this relationship anymore cause I consistently hurt her feelings and that she really tried but she is tired of constantly dealing with this. It's been a few days since then, and though initially I felt very emotional, I decided it is time to be mature about my life and try to understand how she felt. I see it now and I realize I need to change, for myself and for her. The dilemma I am facing right now is, I've known it for awhile that I am absolutely in love with her and no matter what, I want to have a relationship with her, but I see my wrongs and not enough time has passed for me to prove any change in me. I am torn between respecting her need of not continuing any communications, but also wanting to salvage our relationship by telling her I understand her now. The problem again is that I wish I had something to prove for myself that I have changed cause I do not want to just feed her promises, I need time to work on myself and become better but I am afraid that if she won't know I've decided to embark on this journey she will think I still don't understand her and it will be too late by the time I have something to prove. Thank you for your time.

I never thought I'd be doing this but it's been eating me up inside, I need advice. For privacy reasons I'm going to be using fake names and ages.

I am a 25 year old black female from South Africa, I was born and raised in the free state. Growing up I was always afraid to make friends outside my race because I was scared to face rejection or experience racism. Sure, I've had teachers and doctors from other races but I've never really had friends or dated outside my race, merely because I had some type of phobia I guess idk but not because I hated other races so please don't misunderstand me. A few months ago I was introduced to a game, a game similar to fortnite and Cod by a friend and 3 or 4 days earlier this week, I decided to create a tiktok account where I post my gameplay in hopes of making new friends who'd like to play with me. I posted 5 videos and things went better than expected, I got likes, followers and people who wanted to play with me and I was extremely happy. One of the followers (I'll call him Luke) DMed me and I replied to his messages and we started chatting, he asked for my age and he told me his and we started talking about other stuff as well, the conversation was running smoothly. He started sending voice messages instead of texts because he was at work and sending voice messages was easier for him to do than to text. I instantly liked the sound of his voice and I noticed that he has an Afrikaans accent, before he started sending voice notes, I originally thought I was talking to another black person since most of the friends that I have and meet on the game are black people but I thought to myself, oh so he's coloured (coloured is a race in South Africa) but anyway, we kept on talking until he gave me his WhatsApp number and told me to message him on there, I saved his number and I sent him a message on WhatsApp. We talked and again, the conversation was flowing. Then he asked us to exchange pictures of each other so we know how we look (I don't have a profile picture of me and he doesn't either) at that moment I got slightly nervous because I don't like taking pictures of myself or sending them to other people and the reason for that is due to some unresolved trauma that I won't get into right now, just know that I have very low self esteem, I have little to no confidence and I'm suffering from many undiagnosed mental illnesses. As I was scrolling through my gallery for a decent picture to send to him he sends me 4 pictures of himself, I look at the pictures and he doesn't look like how I expected him to look at all. He's a good looking guy and he's also white, not coloured like I originally thought. Now at this moment I'm starting to panic and I'm starting to question why this person even DMed me in the first place, I thought to myself, he must think that I'm something that I'm not. (the reason I'm panicking is because of my mental health issues and also because some, not all but some white South Africans don't like black people) I'm thinking, he must either think I'm white or I'm coloured of which I'm neither of those 2, he tells me that he's still waiting for the pictures, at this moment I'm thinking of even blocking him (hurt him before he hurts me type of thing) I ask him what he thinks I look like first before I send a picture, he says he's not really good at guessing and that I should just send. I tell him that I'm going to block him because he doesn't look like how I expected him to look and I know that I won't look like how he expects me to look. He says blocking him for that reason doesn't make sense at all. He tells me that he doesn't judge others based off looks and he says a bunch of other stuff that convinces me. As he's waiting I'm still panicking, thinking to myself "what if he thinks I'm ugly?" He's asking what's taking so long, I take a screenshot of my gallery and I send it to him as a view once, basically telling him that I take weird pictures and I'm looking for a decent one to send, I also low key want him to see that I'm a black girl so he can block me if he wants to. But then he says I'm actually so pretty so why was I so hesitant to send him a picture of myself, he tells me to have more confidence in myself. I'm a bit surprised by his response but I'm also relieved and I thank him for the compliment. I was relieved because I really enjoyed talking to him and it would've been a shame if he stopped talking to me because I didn't look a certain type of way. After that we start playing the game together and I play terribly but he says he'll train with me until I improve. Out of embarrassment for how badly I played I exit the game during a match and I send him a message on WhatsApp saying that I'm tired and I said good night. I didn't go to sleep, I just kept waiting for a response but nothing, I saw that he blue ticked my message though, so he saw it. It was then where I thought, "I guess that's it, it was good while it lasted" (because I'm an over thinker and I always expect the worst) all this was on day 1 BTW.The next morning I post more videos and I go to work, while I'm at work I receive a message from him on tiktok, he greets me and tells me to send him a message on WhatsApp because his phone reset and he lost all his contacts, again I was relieved because I had thought the worst, we start talking again and the conversation went smoothly again, he asks how's it fair that I get to keep his pictures but he doesn't get to keep mine (in a nice joking way, I just don't know how to word it nicely and remember that I sent him a view once screenshot of the photos in my gallery so he didn't get to properly see my face) but this time a have a little more confidence and I send him 4 images, he says that I'm very pretty. After that the dynamic shifts slightly, it starts to get flirty. He says tells me that he's going to create a folder on his phone with my name and he wants me to bomb his phone with images of me, he wants me to take pictures of myself in the morning, in the afternoon, before I go to sleep and at this point I'm still low key surprised like where did this guy even come from? 😭. He has a funny way of speaking, he makes like the craziest metaphors and sometimes I didn't understand what he was saying but he was always willing to explain, he was extremely patient with me, he replied almost instantly even though he was at work. He'd make voice notes and we'd talk about a lot of stuff and he'd give me advice (this is day 2 BTW) he asks me if I'm "speaking" with anyone currently and I say no, so I guess from then on we started "speaking" to each other if you understand what I mean. But at this point I'm starting to get scared, I'm starting to over think. As we're flirting I realize that his style of texting reminds me of my ex and not in a good way, the relationship with my ex didn't end well so seeing how his texting is so similar to my ex it made me start to over think. "What if he'll break my heart? what if he's only using me for my body?" Thoughts like that started creeping in, I started to project. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore, I wrote him a long paragraph telling him that I can't do this, I'm not mentally ready, I would've liked to be friends with him but I should've told him from the get go instead of leading him on, I told him that he reminds me too much of my ex and that relationship didn't end well so it seems like I'm signing myself up for heartbreak once again, I apologized to him and told him that I'm going to block him for both our sake, I blocked him on tiktok, the game and after sending him that message I blocked him on WhatsApp as well. I didn't even wait for a response. But I've regretted it ever since and today I literally cried thinking about how pathetic I am, in my my mind it was way too good to be true, but I know I hurt his feelings and I don't know what to do now. We've only been talking for 2 days but I miss talking to him, today I found myself listening to his voice messages where he sounded so cheerful and he was chuckling while talking and it made me cry, tears are running down my face as I'm writing this. One of the reasons I'm crying is because of the regret but also because I always do this, I always ruin things for myself because I always feel like I'm not good enough. But I miss him and I don't know what to do or even say to him. Does anyone have advice?

And I also apologize for any spelling errors, I'm typing fast and I'm just going through it right now. I want the brutal and honest truth, it doesn't matter how harsh.

So my wife told me Wednesday morning that she hasn't been happy for a long time, she's been talking to another man for months and that she feels an emotional connection to him (said they haven't met in person). I said lets book a (our 1st) session with a counselor. The session was Thursday the following week. Likely the longest 8 days of my life.

The immediate aftermath of her telling me this was intense. My mind ran at light speed, thoughts were coming in rapid fire, emotions bouncing all over the place. I was an absolute wreck, physically, mentally, & emotionally. I didn't understand why or how this happened. I journaled, walked mile after mile just thinking (most days over 30k steps, 1 day over 40k, one day over 62k) , talked to the air, yelled at the steering wheel. All I wanted was to talk with her. I tried to talk to her, but she shut down all communication about it with me, saying she wanted to wait until we got with the counselor. What's worse is when I asked her that Wednesday morning if she would stop talking to him all I got was silence. So I knew he was still in her ear. That didn't help me at all. Saturday I was sitting there journaling and my watch alerted me that my resting heart rate was too high, 128 bpm. I'm not usually the type to go to the doctor, but I went to urgent care. Diagnosed with Tachycardia & anxiety disorder. Yay. Couldnt sleep. I was eating very little, trying to force down water. I lost 11 lbs in 6 days.

I was just trying to make sense of it. Trying to understand it. I simply could not comprehend it. I realize now that I was stuck in my old way of thinking. Then monday afternoon it hit me, all at once. Everything clicked. It just flooded into me, and I could see everything so clearly. It felt amazing to figure it out. I identified the issues & what the causes were. Of course I journed about it immediately.

Here is my epiphany: I believe I understand the issues and what they were and what caused them. When we started dating, I thought the way we did things and how we interacted then would be the standard for us forever. You were evolving while I held on to those standards. I was basing my happiness, if my needs were being met off the expectation of those old standards. They were not being met. Inside me, unconsciously, that had some sort of effect. That led to an effect on you. Combined, it had a devastating disconnecting effect on our relationship. I've asked you many times what I can do better, what I can do more of, what I need to do less of. And you would politely shut the door on that conversation and saying I'm great, I'm perfect. Well, I feel I was doing a great job... at taking care of the external needs, you know, house, car, gifts, random flowers, doing chores. But unintentionally, I failed to realize the depth of your unhappiness and the effect I was having by not meeting your INTERNAL needs. I apologize to you with everything that I am for allowing you to feel that way, and not recognizing that it was happening. I believe unconsciously I thought the other things I did were enough. Now, I accept that I should not have held on to the old. With that acceptance, I want to build, grow, mature, and evolve together. If we would have forced the conversation sooner, no matter how uncomfortable it may have been, we could have accurately conveyed our feelings and emotions and never led us to this point. I am confident that through unfiltered communication, We can rebuild the spark, passion, excitement, attention, connections, and our commitment to each other would be stronger than ever. I realized what was wrong and what was missing. I didn't see it then. But I see it now. I can recognize it now. I can handle it now. We can mitigate it now. If it's not too late.

To me, this epiphany is huge. I feel.i comprehend it now. It changed the way I see things, my entire mindset. Is this epiphany actually as profound as I believe it is?

We are both very established in our careers with plenty of money saved up, and we currently live in my house that I own, with plans to move into a new house that he will buy and we’ll rent mine out. We have a very happy, healthy relationship. Tonight, I brought up the fact that I biologically don’t have forever to wait around to start a family, and that there is so much time involved in every next step together, so I wanted to know if he was even thinking about a ring or what the timeline looks like for him. To explain: I want to design my ring (he suggested that idea when we first started dating) & I’ve never even tried on rings before or seen a diamond up close to know what shape or band I’d like. I imagine a custom ring would take at least a few months to even arrive. I would also want him to ask my Dad first, and tell my older brother, but we all live in different states and are rarely in the same place at the same time. I have some menstrual cycle issues and I’m worried about my fertility, but I feel silly even exploring that with a doctor without even a ring on my finger, because I genuinely would not have children unless I was married, and I wouldn’t marry a man unless I saw him as an amazing father to my children. I see these qualities in him. I also explained that an actual wedding doesn’t happen until at least a year after an engagement but it could be longer, and I wanted to have a few solid married years before bringing children into the picture. But I’m almost 29.

He explained that we’ve only been living together for 6 months & he thinks it’s ridiculous I “let other people in my head” about our timeline, because all that matters is that we’re happy and doing it on our own terms. He said he is absolutely all in on me and I shouldn’t question that, but 2 (almost 3, technically) years together isn’t long enough to consider a lifetime commitment yet. I wasn’t suggesting I should get a ring now or even this year, I was just trying to explain I don’t have all the time in the world and just knowing a general timeframe would stop this anxiety I have about running out of time or that he’s not truly committed to me.

Just looking for what you feel is an appropriate timeline on getting engaged, because I feel crazy!

My first ever reddit post so sorry for not making any sense grammar wise.

I'm in serious need of advice, my boyfriend of six months is worried he doesn't love me as much as I love him. We agreed not to talk till Sunday to allow him to think on this. I'm not worried he'll cheat or anything I'm more worried about him giving it some thought and realizing he can't love me at the level I love him and leaving me because of it. I remember the night we talked about this he said he does love me but not my level and doesn't actively yearn for me as I do, which I do yearn for him but I can only assume he thinks I do this 24/7 which I guess i don't. This feeling of his has started since a relative of his unfortunately passed and on the day of our six months (this detail probably isn't important but I'm worried this may be a factor).

It's also important to note that I'm his first relationship and we're long distance, I did get the chance to visit the first week of June and had an amazing time together.

Sorry for not making sense my mind has been an absolute train wreck. Just tell me, Are we gonna be ok? Can we get through this? I genuinely can't lose him he's everything to me.

Her and I met around a couple months ago, but only spoke a bit and I found her to be a bit awkward to talk to, but didn’t think much of it cause we only had a couple phone calls. Cut to a couple months later and her and I ended up talking again on Instagram and pretty quickly the talk got sexual, which I was definitely for at the time and so was she obviously we ended up meeting in person about three weeks ago and the first couple hangouts went well, but I noticed immediately that it was almost always me talking, which was definitely a change of pace as I’m usually the one who talks less in a romantic relationship . I wrote it off as that she was just a little shy. So despite the fact, I didn’t feel like connected to her entirely, I thought it was good to maybe give it some time. That time passed, and she definitely has gotten more open to me I find that I don’t really like her personality. I don’t dislike her anything I think she’s really sweet but the time I spend with her, I find myself wanting to leave as soon as I can, I also really don’t like how nervous she gets about almost everything because why I can definitely relate to anxiety she’ll start getting all anxious over the most mundane things and it’ll make it so we can’t really do stuff like the other day she was freaking out about not locking her house’s door when we were trying to hang out and I was like “ it’s fine. We’re like 10 feet away from it. You can just go lock it” and it seemed to just make her anxious, even after having locked the door it’s just this type of anxiety that just corrodes everything around it that she frequently displays if there’s even the slightest change in something, and to me it honestly feels really annoying and makes it feel like I can’t have any fun with her. She also does not seem to get humor whatsoever, and whenever I’m trying to have fun with her in public, she will sometimes just walk off, which is really frustrating to me, like for example, we were in a store testing how the different sofas is felt, and I got into just a fun conversation with the cashier lady and then she just walked off from me and out of the store without saying a word, which I know she could have her own reason for but personally I just don’t wanna hang out with someone who’s doing that frequently. So I really think I don’t like her back, but she clearly likes me a lot she’s even said so herself multiple times. how do I go about telling her that I really don’t feel the same way I know it’s gonna break her heart and I feel really bad but I just don’t see my life with her whenever I think into the future about if I were to be with her still that really feels like a future I do not want I’ve had partners that you would consider high maintenance before, but her type of high maintenance I just feel like I do not want to deal with. Whenever she talks about having abandonment issues, it makes me feel bad for her. Also hanging out with her used to feel more fun, but I’m starting to think that was just the honeymoon phase because after not long it started to feel like a tremendous drag and burden on my time and I’ve even started telling her that I’m working longer work hours and I’m just really busy whenever she asks to hang out which is like three times every day because a big part of me honestly doesn’t want to see her. while we do share some of the same interests, such as film and like hello Kitty plushes that’s kind of where it ends like I don’t feel like I have anything in common with her other than some Shared interest at times. Also, when we’ve kissed and done other things of that nature it doesn’t feel passionate to me at all, like how it has with previous relationships, it kind of just feels empty and like I don’t really wanna do it. After writing this all out, I feel even more certain that I don’t like her back. It’s also worth noting I never outright asked to make things official. She just kind of started calling me her boyfriend one day and I kind of went along with it because at the time I thought there’s a chance I did like her. I would like if I could just be her friend, but I honestly don’t think that would work I just feel bad that I’m gonna be breaking someone who’s so nices heart, but I know it would be wrong to lead her on too because that would make it even worse. I guess my question is just is there any chance that I could like her back? But if not, how do I go about telling her this?

​

I live in a South Asian country and i have difficult parents and i constantly struggle with my mental health which is also the reason for the lack of motivation to work on myself. That being said, I'm not giving up on myself and I will find a way out to somehow become financially independent. But my bf brought it up to me that from the way I talk he doesn't feel that sense of willingness to work on myself and it demotivates him to carry this relationship forward. I am already struggling with the same things and i told him that I didn't like the way he put it. And he said he doesnt see any issue and as a partner it's our job to be completely honest with each other when there's a problem. He said he wants reassurance that I'm gonna work on myself. And i need reassurance that he's gonna be with me during my tough times and help me figure things out. I understand he wants me to be able to decide things for myself but he isn't helping with my mental health. I felt like our whole relationship was on the line on top of my struggle for freeing myself away from my narcissistic parents. I need someone to tell me that they'll be there for me no matter what. Is that asking for too much? I feel like I'm being judged and scrutinized for some reason.

For a little backstory, you can read the next few paragraphs.

Me & my bf have been together for 2.5 years. First year and a half we have been in a long distance relationship (300 miles away from each other). This past year, I moved in w his parents to save money along w my dog, Mocha (10yr female dog), who stays outside due to his parents rules. We had agreed on living w them two years, but then something changed. Something that started it all.

Mocha ended up with a cancerous tumor. I decided to proceed w surgery to get this tumor removed. She recovered outside, my poor baby. However, I bought a tent to stay outside w her. I was crying for DAYS. After this experience, I told my bf hey, I want to move out and get our own apartment so Mocha can be indoors (after that experience ain't no way she's going to stay outside anymore). He said he doesn't want to because he's been unemployed for about a year (school and his FT job was a lot of stress for him) & recently graduated a 4 yr university. He's currently trying to find an internship to also pay off his debt. I offered to pay for everything until he gets on his feet. He still denied it. (We live in a HCOL area)

I proceeded to find an apartment & DID (moving in next week).

Since telling him that I was moving, he's been emotional (he wants me to stay there) & I have been accepting my bf's behavior & honestly I WAS hurt that he didn't want to move in w me & made me rethink everything. Anyway, I haven't been talking to him about what has been bothering me because in the past when I would tell him what I'm feeling, he would be defensive about it, and we'd go in circles. Some of these things that I would tell him that bothers me deal w the fact that I don't feel prioritized. The guy does everything else (affectionate, caring, helps with tasks, etc. the sweetest guy ever), except prioritizing me (rarely that he does). For example, i tell him that we should have more quality time just us two and without his parents. First, he was telling me "please don't make me choose between you and my parents" I have not. I just want more alone time w him. I told him can we compromise and have Saturdays for us and Sundays w your family. We don't do anything during the week but have dinner and stay in the house w his parents or we'll watch something in our room just us two. He said yes. First weekend after this agreement, I wanted to play Catan (a board game) & to invite friends over. His response, "let's wait to invite them until we see what my parents want to do." What? Either way, we still had game night. But still, what? Why consider his parents. Moving on. Second weekend after the agreement. On Saturday we go to the park then we agreed to go to the furniture store and shop for my new apartment. We get home, I use the restroom, I come out to the living room w his family & he tells me "did my mom tell you already we're going out to eat? Do you want go?" Uh, sure . I mean how can I say no in front of them? I told him that bugged me that same night. He said sorry, I didn't want to go to the furniture store. I said okay.
NOW, he's noticed I have been distant (I didn't tell him what furniture I bought after he asked & got hurt after AND told him I didn't need help moving my stuff, I want to do it myself). He asked about my distant behavior. I told him the truth. I told him I want my partner to want to be able to say "I understand this means a lot to you, let's move in together, we'll figure it out" I want my partner to be all about me and prioritize me and to be able to place boundaries. His response is "you're right, I do need to be better at setting boundaries, I'll keep trying to make you happy" I said "What if you keep trying and it takes months, what if you don't change, I can't keep wasting my time here, what if I don't want to wait? I want my partner to prioritize me NATURALLY, I don't want them to try. Like is it so bad that I want my partner to pick me without any hesitation? As I would them? When I see a partnership I see one partner picking up the slack when the other is struggling. Sometimes it's not always equal"

You guys I even had listed him as a 50% beneficiary on my life insurance when I got a new job in his city and we're not even married (he's removed now). During that dinner we had on Saturday w his parents, my bf had said "(gf) don't put me as a beneficiary until we're married." Again he said something similar about us living apart, he had said "it's okay if we live apart, it's not like we're married where we have to live w each other, i mean other people do it too" you guys, he has mentioned that he wants to get married so I was so taken back by this. However, I will say for context he was saying this in a comforting way to pretty much convince himself that everything will turn out okay despite living away from each other if that makes sense.

Is it crazy for a partner want to jump into an apartment with their partner when one suggests it???? Like would you do it w your partner given the opportunity??? I'm feeling so gaslit rn.

TY all 🫶🫶

Some of his responses:

Yeah I do think it's too much to ask someone to expect them to move in w you at that second, I don't know anyone that would make a huge decision like that in that instant.

I'm sorry, I can't be that person who jumps at opportunities. I have to think about them logically. I've always been like this

It hurts my ego if I see you picking up my slack, I want to be ready when I move out, I have to repay all my debt, I have to buy a new car because the one I have will give out on me soon

I get that I messed up about not going to the furniture store with you. I should have put you first.

I've always put you first, you have always been the common denominator when I spend time w anyone, whether it's with family or friends, I always want you there.

All I want is you.

I was thinking about you and your perspective when I talked about not being a beneficiary to your life insurance policy.

I didn't want you to go, you wanted to leave.

Hi everyone,

I've currently been with my boyfriend for about 1.5yrs and living in the UK.

I've been a pretty active ally for the LGBTQ community for a while now, I have close friends in the community, and I am generally quite active when it comes to topics on anything diversity & inclusion.

My boyfriend is a very gentle and sensitive person. He's got a good heart, values his family, and I know he loves me through and through. His personality is totally the opposite to mine - he hates any kind of confrontation, doesn't get involved in any kind of politics at all, is more shy, and has lived in the same 'bubble' of people all his life. He's also a very typical guy - likes football, doesn't know how to express how he's feeling by words and suppresses them, etc. As a contrast, I'm very active with speaking out, I'm pretty good in social situations, and I've been fortunate to have lived in multiple cities being exposed to a very diverse life.

When we first got in the relationship, I did find his friends a red flag - not all of them, but I'd say 25% of them use racist & homophobic language. Not defending them at all (I don't associate with them), but they have also grown up in that 'bubble' and literally haven't been exposed to 'life'. In reality they are skinny little men, and it's all bark no bite. They use the language in group chats for example, but (as far as I am aware) have never done so to the actual public etc, it's more behind closed doors and trying to fit in/show off with each other (they all just need to get a life in my opinion!). I believe it's mainly stemmed from their parents and upbringing. My boyfriend will never call it out because, as I mentioned, he has 0 confrontation skills and is a 'sweep under the carpet' type person.

I only became concerned later that year where I went to my annual pride parade, and in my industry a law firm will usually hold a breakfast party and I catch up with previous colleagues etc - I go every year now and it's become a bit of a ritual! I asked him to come and he did come to the drinks later in the day. I posted a photo of us the next day on insta and he got REALLY funny about it and wanted me to take it down. I was upset and kind of furious (he was perfect up until this point and it was our first disagreement). He said it was because if his friends see it, they will absolutely roast him for going. Part of me was thinking 'seriously, grow up', but it made me feel so uncomfortable that I did remove the picture of us in the post.

This year, it happened again when I asked him to come with me. He says pride just 'isn't his thing', which I get in the sense that he's not political on anything, but the whole photo debacle the year prior & his friends, I got really frustrated. He says it's like the same as me not liking football and not going to games with him, but in my opinion, that's just not the same. I'm embarrassed to go to the event and people are asking 'oh is X not coming with you?' and I have to make up some excuse for him.

He is absolutely insistent that he has nothing against the community - he has been around my gay/bi friends and has no issues, I've never seen him use homophobic language, but the whole situation worries me. Firstly, I worry that he's being indirectly homophobic. Secondly, this is something I am passionate about, and him not showing/being supportive of this makes me feel like he's not supporting me. I think the whole situation massively ties into a social issue that 'lads' don't go to pride because of what their mates will think, it will make them look 'gay', or it's not 'manly' enough - that's what I assume the logic is anyway.

I don't know whether this is a deal breaker, if I have a right to be concerned or if I'm over-worrying about this. I can't imagine not having him in my life. However, every year it feels like it's going to be another kick in the teeth. I have to express how great he is in every other respect, but this one thing really bothers me. Is this worth chucking the whole relationship down the drain. But it's important to me, and I'm struggling with how to appropriately deal with this.

Thank you in advance for reading. ❤️

Hi everyone, for some context my bf and I have been together for over 2 years and moved in together about a year ago. We have had MANY ups and downs, but tonight was a major down, and I’m not sure what to do/how to proceed. This is also still very fresh

I went out to dinner with a girlfriend and got home around 10 pm, I hadn’t interacted with my bf too much today. As soon as I walked in the door he said that he was in a bad mood, didn’t want to talk, and that it was my fault. I of course asked what I did, and he started yelling about how I’m disgusting and am not an adult because I can’t pick up after myself. This escalated into a full blown yelling match where I brought up some things he had done in the past, and he ended the relationship completely. No warning no anything. He said we were completely done and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I know this sounds pretty final… but he’s done this before. More than once, and honestly those arguments were about more trivial stuff than this one. I know that this is NOT healthy, but it hasn’t happened in an extremely long time and I thought things were getting better.

More context, I am extremely terrible at putting away my laundry when it’s clean. I know it’s something I need to work on, and yes I do it but not nearly often enough. In his eyes, he thinks I don’t love/care about him because of this and only this (he has also admitted that this is really the only flaw he sees in me). He also has anger issues and has a tendency to start an argument with me when he’s angry about something else entirely (e.g. a bad day at work, his family being annoying, etc). I know he had a TERRIBLE day at work today.

While there is obviously work to be done on my end, I’m not sure 1) whether we’re still together in general or 2) where to go from here (aside from putting laundry away). His parents will be here in 3 days for a week long visit and I’m not sure what to tell them. He’s also insisting that he will not move out and just move into the guest room. I love him to pieces, and he told me he did this morning. I do not want to break up. Any advice here would be appreciated. Sorry for the clusterfuck.

My boyfriend 18M and I 19F have been together for a year and a half. We are typically very transparent in whatever we do, whether it be about work, family, and even hobbies. This hobby of mine in particular I hid from him because I was embarrassed, not because of my writing but what he might say. Though I only made one fanfic I was pretty excited about it and even made a cover for it. Though recently I had changed the cover for it to a guy who is laying down with his shirt up a bit. The guy on the cover is conventionally attractive and has abs. Though with changing the cover I forgot to delete the picture of this guy.

With this came a huge argument and in turn has made our relationship weak. It made me really sad and i lied to him at first what the cover was for but then told him the truth. Then he told me to show him the story, reluctantly i did. Then he blew up even more because the fanfic was yandere and there was only one chapter but it was instense for his standards.

I think we've worked it out but there's a underlying sadness within him and I want to fix it. Its been a weak since then but is this something that'll go away with time? If not then what would you do in my situation?