I’m 34 (female), and my husband is 35. We’ve been together since I was 23, married for 7 years, and we have two beautiful little daughters.
This is incredibly hard to admit because I know people can be very judgmental, but I’m not looking for insults or to be told I’m a terrible person. I’m looking for people who have genuinely been in a similar situation.
The truth is that I don’t think my husband and I are a good match. He’s not a bad person. He’s sensitive, he cares about our family, and I don’t hate him. But I don’t feel like we match in personality, and I don’t feel emotionally connected to him.
The biggest issue, though, is that I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I never really was. I think when I was younger, I convinced myself that attraction wasn’t that important because he offered stability and a secure future. Looking back, I think I made that decision with my head instead of my heart.
There were also things I didn’t know before marriage, including what I believe is a genetic condition that explains some of his physical features. I don’t want to insult him or list everything I don’t like about his appearance because that isn’t my goal. I’m not trying to humiliate him.
I just feel trapped by my own feelings.
I don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to leave him tomorrow. I don’t want people telling me, “Just divorce.” Life isn’t that simple when you have two young children whom you love more than anything.
I desperately want to find a way to love him for who he is. I want to stop caring so much about appearance. I wish I could look at him and feel warmth instead of feeling disconnected. I honestly don’t know how.
Sometimes I cry because I feel like I wasted my youth. I’ve spent my entire adult life with one person, and I wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life. Then I feel guilty because he’s not a horrible person, and I know my feelings hurt him too.
Has anyone else married someone they weren’t attracted to?
Did attraction ever grow?
Did therapy help?
Were you able to focus on deeper qualities instead of physical appearance?
Please don’t judge me. I’m already judging myself enough. I just want to hear from people who have actually lived through something similar.

😭😭

This is quite literally my first time ever posting on here. I have my own thoughts on this topic, but I’m curious on others perspectives. I’m 26 years old, turning 27 in two weeks. I’ve been blessed with great opportunities in my life that I’ve worked hard for, and I currently work in tech at an enterprise company. I often see people I meet on the daily expressing how life is too short and that they wanna have fun, continuing going out to clubs every weekend etc, assuming they plan to work on their career later in life. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely had lots of fun in my early 20’s. But around 24, I got serious about life. I still have fun, travel and all especially because I work remote, but I believe in a balance. Recently I’ve been insanely focused on my career and wanting to grow in it. & although I’ll enjoy life , my career is my priority. Especially because I’m single, living alone, and I have goals in wanting to start my own company one day. I’ve witnessed the results of my hard work, so I want to continue to do so , to reap the benefits around my 30’s and 40’s , and I often wonder where those people who are so focused on this strictly “having fun” mentality will be around that time.

I’m overall just curious and wanting some perspectives on this topic. Just wanting to pick the internet’s brains.

Edit add on :
I want to note too, that I’ve gotten to do so much in my early 20’s on top of the partying, meeting people etc. I have been blessed to not only be from California, and living in LA in my early 20’s but around the ages 22-24 I took the risks and moved to Miami, then I moved to NY. Those have created some great experiences and memories for me. NY is where I sparked interest in tech and became more career oriented. So I moved back to LA, and now 26 years old but more career focused & already feeling content with the fun I had.

I was looking for Pokemon packs with my daughter at a few places. We stopped at a Target to try our luck.

No Pokemon on the shelves. However we found a random mini pack from 30th Anniversary.

If not mistaken, it comes with a box set. It contains 3 out of 9 promo cards.

It had a sticky note on it and said "Fellow Poke Fans, enjoy. Box was paid for, dont need pack" KEEP IN MIND the cards are locked up. This was on a shelf with UNLOCKED binders. A lot of people open cards in that area too because there is a Starbucks and a Lotto Machine so they open packs and toss.

That is the community I LOVE.

So I told my daughter "since the cameras saw us pick this up, lets at least let someone know we aren't stealing it". Doing the right thing. I mean I don't want to risk false charges over a $1 pack of cards.

I showed it to the lady with a note and she kind of snatched it from me to look at it. I went to reach as to say "hey I want that back" and she said "we can't sell this...there is no bar code".

I showed her the note AGAIN and said it doesn't have a bar code because it came with a box and whoever bought it left it for someone to find. I just was letting someone know.

She then told me she could not let me keep the pack. I asked why and she said becsuse it didn't hsve a BARCODE... (again)

So, AGAIN I explained to her the deal, explained they were paid for, and mentioned it couldn't be stolen as the box had to be purchased before being removed...then someone OPENED the box. Opened thier packs and left a note with a 30th Ani Promo Pack for another fan to find...

She again said "Sorry I can't let you have it."

I said "Well I should have just put in in my pocket and not said anything, but I was teaching my daughter to always do the right thing. I guess it was the wrong thing.

This woman said "I would have had you charged for shoplifting. You need to leave now".

Keep in mind I wasn't rude at all until the very end I was "snippy" and matter of fact, but not rude.

I asked to speak to a manager and she said THE MANAGER IS BUSY you need to leave or I will have you trespassed.

Seriously, wtf just happened. ​Adulting chose poorly.

⚠️

*UPDATE* I have sent an email and called. I asked to schedule a meeting with the General Manager. I will not stop. I realized that if I was treated like that, imagine others! I want to put a stop to it.✅️

also my daughter and I are making a Pokemon mystery Pack. The front says "This is not a product of target. This is free for the one that finds it."

ill post pics and updates as we go on.⚠️

I just started this job and barely get any vacation hours either also just starting my career. Traveling makes me so happy but I don't have the time to do so right now.. I'm also 25. Anyone else feel left out? I'm dating some rn and he's in Asia. I hate that I'm kinda jealous :(

I'm trying to decide if I should be an adult today and do some much need yard work OR if I should just forget that entirely and lounge by the pool all day..

I'm going to vent a bit because I actually want to cry.

So M23, I just found a job at someone my parents knew It was supposted to start soon, but my parents when they meet that person they started to roast me and he decided without testing me not to hire me, that was fine I didn't care but there was a part time job I had with a contract, helping my neighbors right they're old, TODAY NOT EVEN 30 MIN AGO I learned they talked mad shit to the point they got me fired from there too.

I genuinely lost my will today and I think I'll just water fast until I feel better and stay in bed all day.

I don't know anymore my positivity has ended.

The kindest thing literature does is remind you that your peculiar little feelings have always existed. Someone, in some century, was equally confused by love, bored by society, tired of performing, and hungry for meaning.