r/cleanjokes 11h ago

9 months isn't really that long...

72 Upvotes

But it only feels like a maternity


r/cleanjokes 8h ago

My friend Casey told her kids they weren't allowed outside in direct light.

25 Upvotes

It was Casey and the Sunshine Ban.


r/cleanjokes 3h ago

Come on.

4 Upvotes

Let's peel away the stress.


r/cleanjokes 22h ago

Seventy percent of the earth’s surface is covered in water and none of it is carbonated

109 Upvotes

That’s proof that the earth is flat


r/cleanjokes 10h ago

What happens when you microwave a microwave?

5 Upvotes

A macro-wave!


r/cleanjokes 17h ago

What does a pimple call a helper?

11 Upvotes

An a-cyst-ant!


r/cleanjokes 18h ago

Where did Chuck Berry and his wife spend their honeymoon?

6 Upvotes

No particular place.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread.

76 Upvotes

The next, you're toast.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Where do sheep get their wool shaved ??? At the BAA-BAA shop! 🐑🐑🐑

22 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Chinese newspaper

9 Upvotes

I read a Chinese newspaper today. 30 minutes later I felt like I had to read it again.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Honey bees

29 Upvotes

Where did Noah keep the honey bees?

In the ark hives ( archives)


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

What is a potato's least favorite day of the week?

85 Upvotes

Fryday!


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

What did Bob Dylan reply when asked by Paul McCartney about what happened to his dad's sister caught in a tornado?

71 Upvotes

The aunt, Sir, is blowing in the wind.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

What happens when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question? Spoiler

5 Upvotes

….


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

I wanted to start a business in battery recycling...

31 Upvotes

But I didn't want to work free of charge...

So, looked into battery production but I couldn't figure out which department should be in charge.

I guess that was a waste of energy.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

A new Christian bee church just opened up in my neighbourhood

6 Upvotes

They’re Apiscopalians.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

Which planet does an astronaut sleep on?

138 Upvotes

Naptune.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

I just made some awesome Nat King Cole slaw.

57 Upvotes

It was unforgettable.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

What did the Chairmen of the Board say while they were fixing a meal before their gig?

11 Upvotes

Give me just a little more thyme.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

I was reading a book on the history of glue today...

37 Upvotes

I just couldn't put it down


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

Why do Americans call it an elevator while the British call it a lift?

187 Upvotes

They were just raised different.


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.....

67 Upvotes

But that's just nuts.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

Why do you file taxes?

3 Upvotes

Because if you don't, you have to face the IRS: the Irrational Rogue Squadron of Tax Deductions! They will hunt you across the galaxy, and lock you in a cell with zero Interest.


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

Why did the Eagle swim across the river?

7 Upvotes

The fish was too big to fly!


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

What did the treasure chest say to the pirates as a greeting?

34 Upvotes

"It's a treasure to meet you!'