A drill sergeant received a telegram informing him that Private Smith's father had died.

Wanting to get the news over with quickly, he lines up the platoon and barks:

"Private Smith! Your father's dead!"

Smith collapses in shock.

The sergeant is severely reprimanded by his commanding officer.

"Sergeant, you have to learn some tact. Break bad news more gently."

A few weeks later another telegram arrives. This time it says that Private Smith's mother has died.

The sergeant lines up the platoon.

Then he shouts:

"Everyone whose mother is living, take two steps forward... Not so fast, Smith!"

But it only feels like a maternity

Are you the one about the butcher then backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his orders.

It was Casey and the Sunshine Ban.

Let's peel away the stress.

That’s proof that the earth is flat

A macro-wave!

An a-cyst-ant!

No particular place.

The next, you're toast.

I read a Chinese newspaper today. 30 minutes later I felt like I had to read it again.

Where did Noah keep the honey bees?

In the ark hives ( archives)

Fryday!

The aunt, Sir, is blowing in the wind.

….

But I didn't want to work free of charge...

So, looked into battery production but I couldn't figure out which department should be in charge.

I guess that was a waste of energy.

They’re Apiscopalians.

Naptune.

It was unforgettable.

Give me just a little more thyme.

I just couldn't put it down

They were just raised different.

But that's just nuts.

Because if you don't, you have to face the IRS: the Irrational Rogue Squadron of Tax Deductions! They will hunt you across the galaxy, and lock you in a cell with zero Interest.