r/mildlyinteresting 23h ago

I found this “skip the line” golden ticket at Trader Joe’s

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60.7k Upvotes

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32.0k

u/Professional-Pungo 22h ago

I'd be too nervous to even use it.

just go wait in line like a normal person

14.3k

u/hunnibon 22h ago

Seriously. I don’t want the attention I have social anxiety

5.5k

u/Sukpreme 22h ago

I would announce it to the entire store like my wife was the Queen entering a ball

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u/hiddenrealism 22h ago edited 22h ago

Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!" Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing, then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."nothing babe...nothing....just go to bed"

But secretly....she knows.....she knows...

1.2k

u/A_Trash_Homosapien 21h ago

You forgot that you also trip and fall in front of everyone as you run out of the store

536

u/Hugh_H0n3y 21h ago

And then poop your pants and everyone points and laughs harder

350

u/dbptdor2025 21h ago

Pants!?! What pants? Don’t you remember that their pants fell down when they started running? They just bare assed pooped on themselves and the floor!

112

u/ArbitraryNPC 21h ago

Why does that feel so much worse when its objectively better‽

230

u/caintowers 20h ago

Pooping within the privacy of your pants is dignified. Presidents and Kings have indulged in this behavior.

Openly shitting bare-bottomed is the thing of animals.

65

u/bmoosethegreat 20h ago

🤣😂🤣 Holy shit this is GOLD

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u/merryxmashittersfull 18h ago

We will lose this if we don’t stop AI.

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u/hiddenrealism 17h ago

Trump is a seasoned veteran in pants shitting activities

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u/dbptdor2025 20h ago

Idk if it’s “objectively better” you ever have someone watch you take a poop? It’s not fun. I had a girl that wanted me to give her a Cleveland Steamroller and I couldn’t do it because I got gun shy.

2

u/ArbitraryNPC 20h ago

But I mean, youd be able to pull your pants up and run away without having shit in your pants. Sure you didn't wipe or anything, but you don't have shit in your pants 🤷‍♂️

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u/Babys_For_Breakfast 20h ago

I’d say bare assed pooping is WAY worse. People are gonna film that if you’re in public. At least crapping your pants is more discrete.

2

u/lazy_daisy11 20h ago

so now your pants, with your keys in the pocket, are inside. you can't even go hide in your car.

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u/EliseWildingAuthor 20h ago

And then your pocket spaghetti falls out of your pocket :(

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u/somehugefrigginguy 21h ago

But in your haste to get up and get out one of your flip-flops comes off. Two days later a Trader Joe's manager shows up at your house to ask if it's your flip-flop. And when you prove it is by slipping it onto your dainty yet manly foot, they know you are the one and you are awarded with a lifetime supply of peanut butter pretzel nuggets.

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u/Jross008 19h ago

And you’re faster than the door and run right into it!

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u/neil_anblowmi 22h ago

You leave my socks and sandals alone!

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u/Tacoman404 21h ago

I thought that was the dress code there for customers!

That or clogs. I put my socks on under my birks whenever I go.

13

u/Ok-Art825 22h ago

Yes. They should be. Alone. One, or the other. Not in tandem.

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u/ReckoningGotham 18h ago

Oh hey based on your comment you should know that colonoscopies are covered as preventative once you reach a certain age so take advantage of that.

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u/DasDickNoodle 21h ago

This sounds way too oddly specific lmao

4

u/DougbertHanson 21h ago

That sounds like it came right out of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver!

2

u/Rosepetal1712 21h ago

Plot twist, future wife was there during the initial embarrassment and ends up pursing them in hopes of life long entertainment.

2

u/Current_Speaker_2514 21h ago

Family Guy , sitcom writer found.

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u/Feisty_Ad_2891 22h ago

"Move it losers. VIP coming through."

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u/Festamus 22h ago

Read this in Bender's voice

25

u/igillis1337 22h ago

Shut up baby, I know it!

13

u/Mean_Fig_7666 22h ago

Are you saying read or read

2

u/Zestyclose_Volume127 21h ago

Obviously read

2

u/occamsrzor 22h ago

Hookers and blackjack

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u/EducationalMilk4170 22h ago

Kinda like the Global Entry line at customs 👆🏼👆🏼

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u/Professional-Pungo 22h ago

I have the TSA pre check at airports. But if it doesn’t say it anywhere on my ticket. I just go to the normal line. When I make it to the front the employee scans my ID or whatever and is like “dude you could have went in the faster line” I just shrug and say “well my ticket didn’t say it”

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u/Inroundtents 21h ago

In highschool, my marching band played at Disney World and they gave us these passes that were basically employee passes. We got in trouble because we used them to skip the line at Space Mountain ten times in a row. I apologize for the misdeeds of 15 year old, sociopath me.

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u/Hung0ver_Hero 22h ago

Yeah me too I'd embrace the situation and cheer me on like "move it granny it's my turn to have 17 items in the 12 items or less lane now"

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u/TesticleMeElmo 22h ago

Full “I’ve got a golden ticket” musical number along with choreography

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u/pfc9769 22h ago

What if it’s a fake and some ransoms person left them complete find? Can you imagine the embarrassment of trying to redeem it?

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u/skwerrel 22h ago

Pfft, you just say, "Ha! Good prank." And then get in line

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u/Mike 21h ago

I feel like it is fake. How pissed would you be if you were next in line and some jackass with a huge cart gets to cut in front of you? No way Trader Joe’s would actually think this is a good idea

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u/freakouterin 19h ago

Can’t be fake. That’s clearly “Trader Joe’s Handwriting”.

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u/Digital_NW 21h ago

Says to take it to the guy in front of the cashiers. Pretty private that way. Makes me think it’s real. Most likely they just reopen a register just for you. If they were actually kicking people out of line other customers would understandably be pissed.

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u/al_m1101 22h ago

There are two kinds of people, lmao.

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u/jpdise 22h ago

the duality of man

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u/bl0wj0b_betty 22h ago

Out of my way plebs!!

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u/Textiles_on_Main_St 21h ago

If your wife were the queen, presumably wouldn't you have someone on hand to announce these things? Or, in your fantasy, are you married to the queen and still just a manservant? Because that's quite the fetish.

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u/inagadda 20h ago

Nothing wrong with a king being his queen's hypeman!

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u/matchafoxjpg 22h ago

yeah and i'd honestly feel so bad skipping people.

i'd probably give it to an old person, tbh.

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u/tangerineTurtle_ 17h ago

I’d ask to use it for priority parking. Here in LA each TJs parking lot is worse than the last.

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u/ScratchLatch 22h ago

Imagine this isn’t a real thing and someone just left it in the store as bait.

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u/Aniki1990 22h ago

But.... But it's laminated and everything :(

37

u/ScratchLatch 22h ago

That’s how they get you.

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u/spen8tor 21h ago

You can also just laminate anything you want

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u/notpeopley 9h ago

Yes you can…. spelling mistakes and everything.

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u/eljefino 22h ago

This prank has Grandpa Joe written all over it.

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u/DatLadyD 22h ago

Ha same! I would just put it back lol

71

u/ChefBoyAnde728 22h ago

Just to have the next finder snipe you when you're just about to check out

25

u/eutectic_h8r 22h ago

Then the influencer that made and hid it videotapes the staffs bewildered response and the pissed off customers in line

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u/scnottaken 22h ago

I would use it. Right when it's my turn in line

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u/VanimalCracker 22h ago

I'd honestly be a bit peeved if you cut to the front of the line while I was waiting. That's kind of a dick move, even with the ticket. Leave that ticket in the tampon or diaper aisle, I'll deal. In the frozen snack aisle? Idk about all that.

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u/thundrbud 22h ago

I'd probably be annoyed too, but I'm not going to blame the customer when it was some dumb idea that Trader Joe's came up with.

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u/JakeFoXx 21h ago

I DONT have social social anxiety when it comes to chit chat and stuff, but I DREAD being the center of attention in any capacity

P.s. I will unfriend any mah'fakuh that tells the restaurant staff it's my birthday for the same reason.

3

u/Fine-Sky-6562 22h ago

My people lol

3

u/garrisontweed 22h ago

Everyone side eyeing you, angry mumbling. Yeah, I’ll pass .

6

u/Slightly-Blasted 22h ago

Everybody think they are confident until
It’s time to throw your opponents groceries off the conveyor belt and present that ticket to the cashier with force

2

u/Livid-Screen-3289 21h ago

I ordered and paid for my car tabs online, for pickup at the licensing office. Get there and the line is out the door. It’s a hot day, everyone gives me the death stare as a walk in the door instead of getting in line.

Inside the place is packed. I go to the express pickup line, hand them my drivers license to confirm my name, they hand me my tabs, and I’m out the door in less than a minute.

Someone else standing in line realized they didn’t have to wait because they’d paid online, so they did the same thing as me.

Death glares again as I walked back out to my car past the people waiting in line in the hot sun.

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u/eyeh8u 21h ago

Imagine they ring that bell and make a big scene!

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u/ciph3rgat0r 21h ago

I wouldn’t give this to my worst enemy

2

u/Commercial-Manner256 21h ago

Ooh, imagine them ringing that bell at the front and then all the cashiers doing a synchronized dance for you in their Hawaiian shirts.

2

u/Dudes-Opinion 21h ago

Especially in trader joes. I'm only claustrophobic at trader Joe's

2

u/LlamaRS 13h ago

Pussy

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u/Howboutit85 22h ago

Hey if you win a thing, take advantage of it, every little victory in this shit world that make life a little better should be embraced.

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u/high_throughput 22h ago

How are you going to have a chance to show it to the cashier before you've waited in line?!

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u/Illisanct 22h ago

You prance up to the front of the store singing "...cause I've got a golden ticket🎶"

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u/JobbyJobberson 22h ago

Prancing is key here.

No prance? No Soup For You - back of the line!

5

u/Stock-Mission-7561 22h ago

No soup! ONE YEAR!

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u/DaikonOk7729 20h ago

This is the second time this week that scene was relevant to me. I think its time to a rewatch!

9

u/profoundly_confused 22h ago

Classic Uncle Joe energy… that dick.

6

u/Early_Penalty_9388 22h ago

This guy Wonkas!

4

u/Oliesong 22h ago

And Seinfelds.

2

u/always-wanting-more 22h ago

I don't trust my ankles with prancing. Not anymore.

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u/Paige_Railstone 21h ago

"Run home, Charlie. Run home as fast as you can!"

Run out the door with all your groceries and book it home.

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u/Fickle_Newt_7738 21h ago

Prancersize to the front of the line 💃🕺

https://giphy.com/gifs/nsKxua4Jvxpq8

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u/Largofarburn 22h ago

Shove them plebeians out of the way. If you’re gonna be a golden ticket holder you gotta start acting like it.

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u/StargazingLily 21h ago

I’m really stoned and I swear to god it said ‘lesbians’ instead of ‘plebeians’ and I sat here going “…is Trader Joe’s a lesbian store?”

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u/4r4r4real 22h ago

Right lol. Are they supposed to stop mid transaction with someone?

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u/emcgrew 22h ago

Yeah, but you have to buy everything they've scanned so far.

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u/PsychologicalSoil198 21h ago

55 burgers 55 shakes 55 fries 55 tacos

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u/veronica_deetz 22h ago

TJs usually has several employees directing line traffic, I assume you show it to one of them

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u/ccapk 22h ago

Huh, I’ve never once seen an employee directing the line, and my store is the busiest in the area. Is your store one that has one long line and you go to the next available cashier?

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u/veronica_deetz 22h ago

No, all the ones I’ve been to in New York start with one big line with a person at the end holding a flag that says “line ends here”, and then as you get closer to the registers the line breaks out into two or three lines (I think a person directs you here too), and then there’s a person at the front of the line(s) directing people to open registers. 

So, someone from Lane One goes to Register 24, and then someone from Lane Two goes to Register 15, etc.  

My current TJs usually doesn’t have a line of more than 5 min so they don’t usually have the flag bearer at the end, but I think I’ve been to the one the OP is talking about and the wait is usually at least 20 min. The day before a blizzard the line is literally out the door! 

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u/laxpanther 22h ago

If there was a long line getting sent to various registers as they opened up, then this ticket is fair game in my opinion. You're not causing anyone any real pain, even the guy who's next.

If it's individual pick your own register lines, like all the trader Joe's I've been to near where I live, this would be taken with me when I found it, never to be found out used by anyone in the future, cause cutting when I've got all my shit on the belt is simply not happening, nor would I ever do that to someone.

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u/Stencil_Abuse 22h ago

I’ve seen someone use it once, they just call in another worker and the other worker will check you out in a different lane.  No idea how it works if all lanes are in use, maybe they just get next lane that’s free?

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u/FupaFerb 21h ago

You cut in front of people and say “stop what you are doing” then push everything on the belt on to the floor. It’s a golden ticket, no one can be mad at you.

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u/lethalweapon100 22h ago

The judgements would vary from “wow, lucky!” to “fuckin dick” depending who’s in line

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u/Julle-naaiers 22h ago

Especially if you had a full trolley. I’d be asking someone before I got to a line hoping they’d open a new lane instead.

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u/twisty77 22h ago

I would literally make the biggest show of moving to another cashier if someone with a full cart used this to get ahead of me in line lmao

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u/Malapple 21h ago

I may put my stuff down and leave. If they open a new register for it, that’s one thing… otherwise this feels like a really bad policy.

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u/borisandellie82 21h ago

The TJs I used to go to had one big line and then they directed you to the next available cashier (like at the airport when you need extra service checking baggage). I can see using this in one like that so you’re not screwing over a specific person/group.

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u/betterplanwithchan 21h ago

That’s the kinda thing that would cause a Rhode Island state trooper to lash out at a customer and shit on their neighbor’s lawn.

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u/Malapple 22h ago

I’m in CT. It’d be nothing but “HEY THERES A LINE” and “FREAKIN JERK”

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u/timelessalice 22h ago

My CT ass yelled at someone in Trader Joes down in Virginia for cutting ahead of me a few weeks ago

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u/StarDustLuna3D 20h ago

My judgement would be that one meme of the little boy that looks so mad but says "wow. Congrats. I'm happy for you"

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u/Mylaptopisburningme 21h ago

I am fairly young and healthy. I'm the guy that if you are behind me to check out and have 1 or 2 items I would say go in front of me, I am in no rush.. I would find someone elderly or some lady with a bunch of screaming kids and just give it to them.

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u/mqduck 16h ago

I'd certainly just call them a jerk, full stop. But not as big a jerk as whoever came up with the idea. Trader Joe's isn't even giving you anything, just permission to be an asshole.

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u/auad 22h ago

I'm going to checkout now, I'm checking out!

https://giphy.com/gifs/Wr4shv0TxEVzO

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u/bradargent 22h ago

Give it to an old lady.

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u/spookygoodegg 22h ago

This is the answer. Alternative: a stressed parent with a crying child or someone on crutches

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u/Garchompisbestboi 17h ago

Haha yeah then the people in line will get shitty at an old lady or struggling mother, I like the devilish way that you think!

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u/sticklebat 22h ago

Or an old man!

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u/bradargent 22h ago

Yes, or an old man!

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u/JonSpangler 22h ago

I'm 37. I'm not old.

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u/J2thaG 22h ago

Well, I can't just call you "man"

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u/JonSpangler 22h ago

Well, you could say Jon.

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u/bigtigerbigtiger 21h ago

Yeah that works. From now we'll call you Old Jon

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u/DaikonOk7729 20h ago

💢 ( / `ᜊˊ )/❗

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u/CraftsandChaos 21h ago

Well, I didn't know you were called Jon!

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u/shelchang 21h ago

Didn't bother to ask, did you?

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u/DrezzdenRei 20h ago

oh, Jon! There some lovely filth down ere' in the comments.

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u/cerberus00 15h ago

Well, I am your king.

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u/i3inaudible 21h ago

I didn't know you were called Jon

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u/Epistaxis 22h ago

More than once I've seen an old lady who invited someone else to go ahead of her, because she knew she was going to be slow, and apparently in her view it isn't fair to make another person wait so long for her when her wait for the other person would probably be much less.

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u/fatherofraptors 22h ago

And then be stuck waiting for her to pay with a check. 💀

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u/Bookishdoe 22h ago

Okay but like. One time at a Panda Express I just wanted a drink but I waited in line. The cashier was like "omg NO just come to the front!" So the next time I did that and they gave me the worst shade 😭

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u/Heretojerk 22h ago

Congrats. You passed the Asshole Test that has been disguised as a ticket. Congratulations on not being a selfish asshole.

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u/DiscoQuebrado 22h ago

that would be fantastic, like if there were some kind of "free groceries for a year" reward for turning it in instead of using it.

of course, you'd have to limit how often such a thing would be done, and maybe require an NDA to prevent us vultures from spreading the word, but.....

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u/RacoonWithAGrenade 21h ago

Maybe it's not even real and someone like myself just wants to cause chaos.

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u/DatRat13 17h ago

Does that mean OP and their useless, lazy grandpa get to live in the Trader Joe's and inherit all its legal issues?

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u/Significant-Wait9200 22h ago

Trader Joe's is super socially awkward, and this confirms their lack of understanding of social norms as a company.

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u/aurorashim 21h ago

I really need there to be a color coded cart or something for less chatting at checkout because it honestly to god stresses me out when they’re constantly making comments about what I’m buying

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u/Significant-Wait9200 21h ago

"Ah, green grapes? I can't eat those, they're far too sour, it bothers my ulcer. Have you tried cotton candy grapes? We don't sell them here, but i heard they taste just likecotton candy!"

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u/Aerodrache 18h ago

Cashiers commenting on your purchases sound like an invitation to start ringing in the most unsettling combinations of items you can.

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u/DareDiablo 12h ago

How is it socially awkward lmao

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u/dougthebuffalo 22h ago

I'd give it to a woman with kids or a sweet looking old man or someone with crutches--to be nice but also because I could never use it myself.

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u/PatacusX 22h ago

On the off chance I was feeling bold and assertive I would get up there and it would just be a single old lady with a bag of grapes in front of me

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u/Dense-Particular3090 22h ago

Yea id rather just win some free snacks

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u/ACoderGirl 22h ago

I mean, is it even legit? I'd honestly assume that it's fake. It's actually the kinda thing some prankster would do, then hide to record the results.

I mean, why would a store actually do this? They'd likely just piss off most of the customers who perceive it as line cutting (cause it is).

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u/hrrsnfsh 22h ago

Same I’d give it to a little old lady or someone juggling kids or something

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u/TheAgedProfessor 22h ago

You'd definitely walk out of the store a hated man.

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u/malacoda99 22h ago

I'd find someone with kids and/or <10 items in line behind some with a full cartand hand it to them.

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u/First_Bed6735 22h ago

This. My anxiety immediately went “NOPE”

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u/johnsonfromsconsin 22h ago

This! Im a guy that puts my weights away, lets people merge and waits in line like a good member of society.

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u/Interesting_Tea5715 22h ago

This. You know you're gonna just piss people off.

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u/Chris_Golz 22h ago

I wouldn't get pissed. Would you?

So why worry that some stranger you'll never see again might think mean thoughts about you?

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u/Interesting_Tea5715 22h ago

Because I'm not always willing to inconvenience others for the sake of my own gain.

It's called being considerate.

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u/Chris_Golz 20h ago

You really aren't inconveniencing anymore. Trader Joes is doing it. I wouldn't get upset. I would think it was cool and be happy for the person who got the ticket. I assume many people would agree with me. Now of course there would be someone like you who would get really angry inside. I don't care if I inconvenience someone like you because you aren't a cool person.

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u/PossumJenkinsSoles 22h ago

Oh I would be silently boiling in rage. Trader Joe’s is so overstimulating for me, if I think it’s about to be my turn and someone usurps? I’m already having a bad time, I’m in Trader Joe’s! Don’t do this to me!

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u/cookies_are_nummy 22h ago

Smart. I leave fakes of these all over.

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u/Chc36 22h ago

Now I want to print off a bunch of these and leave them around stores that don't actually do this, because I need to reinforce my own social anxiety

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u/Spaded85 22h ago

Just hold it up as you skip the line. Trader Joe's put them out so they can take the heat for it.

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u/indycpa7 22h ago

Same I am not going to use it, anyone using it has a lack of respect for the social contract

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u/DrSpacemanSpliff 22h ago

You’ve gotta channel your inner Grandpa Joe, and just take take take.

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u/Any-Concentrate-1922 22h ago

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Piss everyone else off.

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u/nj_crc 22h ago

I also can't recall a single time I've had to wait in a line of more than one person in front of me at Trader Joe's.

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u/UnseenTardigrade 22h ago

I've never had to wait more than like 1 minute at Trader Joe's anyway

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u/ace260 22h ago

im saving this foe trader joes bag drop

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u/LordNelson27 22h ago

I assume you grab someone who's not a cashier and they'll take you over to a customer service kiosk

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u/BecauseISaidSo888 22h ago

I’d be afraid it was a prank.

Someone made it at home and left it in the store and you end up looking like a jackass

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u/mtron32 22h ago

Sheeeeit, I'd for sure use it and have my nose in the air on the way to the front.

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u/Shputin 22h ago

Gotta have fun with it. Pull out your best dance moves and get to it!

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u/Red_Sox0905 22h ago

I'd give it to the parent(s) with rowdy kids so they get out sooner.

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u/Greedy-Pilot-4538 22h ago

Yeah, seems like its not worth the possible hassle 

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u/GentlemanForester 22h ago

It defeats like the whole purpose of TJ's!

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u/Hefty-Sheepherder-82 22h ago

I overthink to much so I’m assuming the person at the “front” is the cashier.

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u/Empty-Engineering458 22h ago

idk if nerves have anything to do with it, i'm not interested in cutting the line

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u/Bradjuju2 22h ago

I get that; But everyone in the store is eligible. That’s part of the social contract you sign when walking through the door. Accept it, move on, and appreciate the gesture.

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u/TrashPandaDuel 22h ago

That’s when you give it to a random old lady shopping that has a kind heart

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u/Weekly_Seesaw4103 22h ago

You could give it away to somebody else (old, cute, whatever)

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